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'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs 'In The Dressing Room' After Semi Win

*The victorious Villa lads are celebrating wildly, MON is doing a dance and drinking champagne from the bottle, he's wearing a tie around his head*

MON: Ho, ho it's been a while since I've done my Wembley jig!

*MON throws his arms around Heskey and Agbonlahor*

MON: You two guys, you're the best striker pairing since records began!

Heskey: After West Ham you said we were 'Half-witted eejit's who couldn't score with a craft knife'

MON: What!? Me!? Noooo never!

Gabby: You just repeated it at half time!

MON: Well things are different now! Emile, I mean beating the back line and masterfully rounding the keeper in a one-on-one to finish from an acute angle ... It's what you're all about!

*Heskey nods proudly in agreement'

MON: and Gabby, well no-one gets in the way of our shots and claims them quite like you.

*Gabby looks pleased*

MON: And where's my defence? My lovely defence?

*The players tentatively raise their hands*

MON: Best defensive display I've ever seen.

Dunne: But we conceeded four goals bass! I think that ....

Warnock, Collins & Cuellar: Ssssssssh!!!

Milner: Boss, is that my man of the match champeern like?

MON: Yes James my boy it is, you see in many ways I was the man of the match, I kicked every ball out there tonight.

Milner: Aye but ya dinnae really kick a ball though did ya like?

MON: Oh didn't I James?

Milner: No.

MON: Oh, but Didn't I?

Milner: No!

*Milner wrestles the champagne away from MON, Sam Allardyce sticks his head around the door*

Big Sam: 'allo everywun, I say 'allo everywun.

MON: Hello Allardyce you miserable, bitter, sore loser.

Big Sam: Well I was gonna ask, I say I was gonna ask where my tie was but I see you have it strapped to your head!

MON: That's right Allardyce we won the match and your tie so shoo up back up to Blackburn and take your band of thugs with you.

*The Villa Dressing Room Cheers, Carew and NRC enter .... Singing*


Carew: (with bandaged knee): I've just been at, a club, with girls.

NRC: I asked my agent, where will I be?

Milner: With so much running, I have a stitch.

MON: I've drunk so much I can't see!

All the Lads (swaying and singing): Que Sera Sera, whatever will be, will be! We're going to Wemb-er-ly! Que Sera Sera!




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday January 21 2010

Time: 12:19PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
another good one, hercs, can you do one for tottenham...??? just send it to ox, he'll publish it...
vangogo
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21/01/2010 12:26:00

another good one, hercs, can you do one for tottenham...??? just send it to ox, he'll publish it...
vangogo
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21/01/2010 12:26:00

Isn't Milner from Yorkshire?
young_jonah
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21/01/2010 13:49:00

Isn't Milner from Yorkshire?
young_jonah
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21/01/2010 13:49:00

Whoever you are Hercs, I think you are in my top10 favourite people in the world, I look forward to these everyweek :-)

PS Can i just say, Big Sam, what a Bell - he really annoyed me!!!
davidsands1982
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21/01/2010 14:00:00

Whoever you are Hercs, I think you are in my top10 favourite people in the world, I look forward to these everyweek :-)

PS Can i just say, Big Sam, what a Bell - he really annoyed me!!!
davidsands1982
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21/01/2010 14:00:00

Loving the geordie accent for Milner, funniest bit of these yet - young_jonah, guess you don't get it...
Longman
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21/01/2010 21:02:00

Loving the geordie accent for Milner, funniest bit of these yet - young_jonah, guess you don't get it...
Longman
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21/01/2010 21:02:00

milner is from yorkshire, fact
benham
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22/01/2010 10:59:00

milner is from yorkshire, fact
benham
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22/01/2010 10:59:00

Next he will have Cuellar talking with a Scottish accent
young_jonah
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22/01/2010 11:00:00

Next he will have Cuellar talking with a Scottish accent
young_jonah
Report Abuse
22/01/2010 11:00:00

Jesus Benham, are you and Young_Jonah forming a humourless brigade - we all know Milner is from Yorkshire that's why the Geordie accent is funny, a Scottish accent for cuellar but with the odd spanish inflection would be genius
Longman
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22/01/2010 14:57:00

Jesus Benham, are you and Young_Jonah forming a humourless brigade - we all know Milner is from Yorkshire that's why the Geordie accent is funny, a Scottish accent for cuellar but with the odd spanish inflection would be genius
Longman
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22/01/2010 14:57:00

We've had this coversation before I'm sure, Yes I'm well aware Milner is a yorkshireman, I portray him as a Geordie because he's played for Newcastle and anyone who plays for them becomes an honourary geordie (like Keegan .... Also a yorkshireman originally by the way). As for the Cuellar thing, the earlier ones had Cuellar speaking "scottish" with an interpreter on hand as no-one could understand it. I can only assume that you've (young_jonah) put "Next he will have Cuellar talking with a scottish accent" to make it appear like it was your idea or say "I told you so". In either case thanks for the brilliant idea, I'll definitely go back in time and use it.
Hercs
Report Abuse
22/01/2010 15:42:00

We've had this coversation before I'm sure, Yes I'm well aware Milner is a yorkshireman, I portray him as a Geordie because he's played for Newcastle and anyone who plays for them becomes an honourary geordie (like Keegan .... Also a yorkshireman originally by the way). As for the Cuellar thing, the earlier ones had Cuellar speaking "scottish" with an interpreter on hand as no-one could understand it. I can only assume that you've (young_jonah) put "Next he will have Cuellar talking with a scottish accent" to make it appear like it was your idea or say "I told you so". In either case thanks for the brilliant idea, I'll definitely go back in time and use it.
Hercs
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22/01/2010 15:42:00

jonah - he is a yorks whippet - they talk like that oop there like... THese hecs things are quality - keep em coming - defo made my firday!
avmalada
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29/01/2010 16:24:00

jonah - he is a yorks whippet - they talk like that oop there like... THese hecs things are quality - keep em coming - defo made my firday!
avmalada
Report Abuse
29/01/2010 16:24:00

 

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