Hercs In The Dressing Room (Spoof)

*We join the lads pleased with the draw against West Ham. MON enters*

MON: Defenders well done, nice clean sheet. Midfielders, good battling, some good creative work out there.

*MON starts heading toward his office*

Gabby: And the strikers?

*MON turns back to the players, looking over his glasses*

MON: Strikers? Oh I'm sorry Gabriel I didn't realise there were any strikers playing!

Gabby: Boss ... Are you ... angry? Because on the interview you said ...

MON: Yes I'm angry, West Ham fielded a 10 year old who looked more of a threat than you three stooges!

Gabby: He's 18 boss.

MON: Oh so now you choose to be accurate Gabriel!?

Heskey: Boss calm down the vein on your head is ....

MON: Why don't you shoot Emile?

Heskey: What? Now?

MON: Now?! You don't even have a ball! I mean on the pitch, you're a forward for God's sake act like one.

Heskey: But .... But I bring something different to the table.

MON: 'But I bring something different to the table' wah, wah, wah.

*MON feigns rubbing his eyes*

Heskey: You monster!

*Heskey flees from the dressing room hiding his tears with his forearm*

MON: And you, you don't care do you!?

*MON points at Carew who is filing his nails singing 'John Carew, Carew' quietly to himself*

MON: I know you can hear me John!

Carew: he's gonna score one or two....

MON: John!?

Carew: John Carew, Carew.

MON: Great! You know what this means don't you? Every Tom, Dick and Harry whining that we need a 20 goal a season super-hero with bionic legs and a telescopic head.

A.Young: Like Inspector Gadget boss?

MON: Yes, like Inspector bloody Gadget! Or some foreign striker they bought on their 'play box station' computer game thing!

*Gabby raises his hand*

Gabbys: Boss they're called .....

*MON removes his glasses, Gabby lowers his hand*

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