In The Dressing Room - Pre-Xmas Dinner
*We join the lads congregated in a dinner hall awaiting their Christmas dinner. Gabby and Petrov are playing chess on the set Gabby has just opened*
Petrov: so yes first you must move your knight or your pawn.
Gabby: My pawn.
Petrov: Yes this is what I said, move your pawn.
*Gabby giggles again*
Petrov: What is funny!? Move your pawn!
*Gabby falls about laughing, Petrov mutters in bulgarian and storms off*
*Heskey is asleep and snoring on a chair in a santa hat. Delfouneso and Delph are trying to wake him*
Delfouneso: Emile! Emile! Emile!
Delph: Emile! Emile!
Delfouneso & Delph: EMIIIIIIIIIILE!
*Heskey wakes with a start*
Delph: Emile, you're missing Christmas!
Delfouneso: Yeah! Emile you're missing it, why are you sleeping!?
Heskey: I'm tired!
*Heskey turns and tries to get back to sleep*
Delfouneso: How can you be tired? It's Christmas!
Delph: Yeah! it's Christmas!
MON: OK everyone, 'round the table, christmas dinner's on it's way!
*Carew enters he's holding a giant turkey with his oven mitted hands, he's also wearing a frilly pinafore*
Cuellar: Och Johnny ye look like a girril in ya wee pinny!
*The Dinner hall erupts with laughter*
Delph (laughing): Pinny!
Carew: Pinny? What's a Pinny? You mean my waist cape? Only the manliest of men wear these in Norway.
*The Dinner hall erupts with laughter again*
Delph (wiping a tear from his eye): Waist Cape!
*Milner and Downing look disappointed by what is a truly magnificent turkey*
Carew: What's a matter guys ... You don't like my turkey?
Milner: It's nay that big lad, it's just ya southern softie Christmas dinnas man.
Downing: Aye, back oop north we'd get a house brick an' gravy like.
*Delph presents a house brick and a mug of gravy from behind his back, a tear rolls down Milner's cheek*
Milner: I've not been so happy since Jimmy Nail released his greatest hits man, Merry Christmas one an' all!
MON: Well James, as you improved so much this year and you've been my player of the season I have another surprise for you ..... Mr Jimmy Nail!
*Jimmy Nail enters the the dinner hall guitar in hand, Milner wells up*
Nail: Aye Jimmy
Milner: This Christmas is proper mint!
*Jimmy Nail plays Crocodile shoes, everyone sways and sings along*