Hercs In The Dressing Room (Before Xmas Party!)

*MON has gathered the lads together before their Christmas Party*

MON: Now I know Big John will lead you a merry dance tonight.

*John Carew mimics playing a flute and gyrates, the lads laugh*

MON: But you lads look after yourselves, you're all my babies.

*MON dabs a handkerchief on his tongue and scrubs Delph's cheek*

Delph: Get off boss, you're embarrassing me in front of the guys.

MON: Gabriel.

Gabby: .........

MON: Gabriel?

*Gabby's gaze follows a fly around the room.*

MON: Gabriel!?

Gabby: yes Boss?

MON: You especially, if you can't be good, be careful.

Gabby: OK.

MON: You know what I mean by 'being careful' don't you?

Gabby: Say my name's Cameron Jerome boss?

MON: No, but that'll do. Anyway have fun lads.

*The lads whoop and shout as they follow John Carew out*

Sidwell(rubbing his hands): Ho ho! What you got planned for us big man!?

Heskey: A night of drunken debauchery and revellry no doubt!?

Carew: It's a surprise guys, I wanted to show you how I get down!

NRC: Oh yeah! I've brought my party wig, I'm ready to have it large!

*NRC reveals an oversized afro wig, he puts it on*

Cuellar: and I've bought me beard snood, last time I went out with Big John I woke up with half of it shaved off and a kidney missing.

*The lads pile on to the coach, Carew takes the wheel and they drive to an unknown location*

NRC: What's this looks like a community centre or something?

Sidwell: Probably some exclusive, secret strip club Nige.

Carew: OK, here we are.

*Carew leads the lads into the buliding*

Carew: Now this is a pretty new club ....

Sidwell (excitedly): See nige what did I tell you.

Carew: I've been coming since the start so be polite to the patrons.

NRC: Oh I'll be polite, I've got nothing but £50 notes.

*Carew leads the lads into a large room, there are a number of elderly ladies sat in a circle*

Carew: Hello Ethel.

Ethel: Oh Hello deary.

*The lads look at each other and raise their eyes to a banner*

Sidwell: Crochet club!?

Carew: Yeah, it's an excellent way to unwind, look Ashley I made you some gloves.

*Carew hands an annoyed Young the gloves*

Young: These gloves only have have three fingers.

Carew: Well I'm new to it, here have a bobbly hat.

*Carew places the massive hat on Young's head, Young lifts the hat so his eyes can be seen*

Young: I'm going home!

*Young turns and leaves, others follow*

Carew: Wait, don't be like that. Come back ...... I have scarves!

Sidwell: I'll have a scarf, it gets cold on the bench.

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