Aston Villa - In The Dressing Room (Burnley) Spoof
UK time is: 16:18:04
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

In The Dressing Room (Burnley) Spoof

*We join the lads at Turf Moor as they chatter in anticipation for their match against Burnley* By Hercs

MON: Alright lads, now Burnley may look like a team of half-soaked pirates but they can play some football.

*Ashley Young raises his hand*

MON: Ashley?

Young: You're standing on my foot boss.

MON: Well I'd apologise Ashley but I have little choice, after all this 'changing room' is a portaloo, besides you don't hear Craig complaining and I'm stood on his face.

Gardner(muffled): Just glad to be helping the team boss.

*NRC and Carew are shivering outside*

NRC: We can't hear you boss!

*MON unlocks and sticks his head outside the door*

MON: Well I'm sorry, but what do you want me to do sit on the toilet and have you in one at a time on my knee like a santa's grotto!?

Carew: Well that was my idea and I think...

*MON slams and locks the door*

NRC: Stupid boss and his favourites.

*The door unlocks and opens, MON sticks his head out*

MON: What was that!?

NRC: Nothing boss.

MON: I thought not!

*MON slams and locks the door again*

MON: Now we won 5-1 against Bolton and with Stilyan and Emile back we should be a ten times more potent threat with pace and goals.

*The portaloo erupts with laughter, NRC and Carew frown at the laughter outside*

MON: But enough jokes, like I said Burnley are every bit as dangerous as their weather-beaten, disheveled looking faces would suggest.

Heskey: So boss, how be it that we vanquish these vagrants forsooth?

MON: In my tactical genius I have come up with a secret weapon. Moustapha!

Salifou: Finally. I always knew that Togo's finest would get his shot at the ....

MON: What're you talking about? Fetch me my bag.

*a deflated Salifou passes MON an Asda bag, MON withdraws it's contents*

MON: Voila!

Young: Dove!?

MON: Yes, genius is it not? You'll each have a bar and chase your man with it, they'll not have a clue what to do when presented with a cleaning agent.

Cuellar: Och! and it will nay dry their skin like soap can.

MON: Ha! Very good Carlos, now could you perhaps move your face? You're giving me a rash.

*there is a banging on the door*

NRC: Boss, boss let us in there are a crew of what look like pirates approaching!

By Hercs!




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: J P Fear Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday November 19 2009

Time: 1:11PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
"Writer: J P Fear" I'll see you in court. lol
Hercs
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 13:24:00

"Writer: J P Fear" I'll see you in court. lol
Hercs
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 13:24:00

Portacloo? You will be lucky, that's sheer luxury round these parts. You will have to use the smallest changing room in the Football League (apart from Crewe I think) and don't expect any hot water to come out the tap, in fact any water!! ;-)
turfmanphil
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 13:42:00

Portacloo? You will be lucky, that's sheer luxury round these parts. You will have to use the smallest changing room in the Football League (apart from Crewe I think) and don't expect any hot water to come out the tap, in fact any water!! ;-)
turfmanphil
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 13:42:00

I can imagine standing next door Jensen revs a chainsaw whilst Eagles screams a high pitched shriek for the whole duration of the away teams team talks.
Hercs
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 14:02:00

I can imagine standing next door Jensen revs a chainsaw whilst Eagles screams a high pitched shriek for the whole duration of the away teams team talks.
Hercs
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 14:02:00

lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though! :o)
vitalfootballadmin
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 14:09:00

lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though! :o)
vitalfootballadmin
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 14:09:00

"lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though!" That's exactly what J.K.Rowling said, I let that slide then look what happened! lol.
Hercs
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 14:27:00

"lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though!" That's exactly what J.K.Rowling said, I let that slide then look what happened! lol.
Hercs
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 14:27:00

Ha, done twice. Feck, even my login was wrong today, it has all gone pete tong!
The Fear
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 15:39:00

Ha, done twice. Feck, even my login was wrong today, it has all gone pete tong!
The Fear
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 15:39:00

Carew: Well that was my idea and I think... <-- Classic!
Stourbridge Villan
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 16:15:00

Carew: Well that was my idea and I think... <-- Classic!
Stourbridge Villan
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 16:15:00

Class Hercs, pure class. Thanks and keep them coming.
andy5759
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 19:25:00

Class Hercs, pure class. Thanks and keep them coming.
andy5759
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 19:25:00

Loved it gave me a real giggle, although we don't have an away dressing room they have to use pub toilets accross road.
sheclaret
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 19:49:00

Loved it gave me a real giggle, although we don't have an away dressing room they have to use pub toilets accross road.
sheclaret
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 19:49:00

Brilliant Hercs. Best 'in the dressing room' for quite a while. I'm always keeping my eyes out for these post as they are always good for a laugh. Keep them coming!
JayVFC
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 20:11:00

Brilliant Hercs. Best 'in the dressing room' for quite a while. I'm always keeping my eyes out for these post as they are always good for a laugh. Keep them coming!
JayVFC
Report Abuse
19/11/2009 20:11:00

 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

Vital Members League (view all)

1. ClivetheVillan 277
2. Pride of Lions 216
3. The Fear 99
4. DeanoVilla 46
5. sirdennis 46
6. HeathfieldRoad1874 38
7. thefacehead 37
8. villawill 37
9. kefkat 32
10. Juan Mourep 31

League Results (view all)

Latest Results

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
1. AFC Bournemouth 0 0 0 0 +0 0
2. Arsenal 0 0 0 0 +0 0
3. Aston Villa 0 0 0 0 +0 0
4. Chelsea 0 0 0 0 +0 0
5. Crystal Palace 0 0 0 0 +0 0
6. Everton 0 0 0 0 +0 0
7. Leicester City 0 0 0 0 +0 0

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Breaking League News

After Nine Years The Battle Really Starts Now!
Chelsea : 04/07/2015 16:06:00
Is Mo Salah Creating a Right Old Mess?
Chelsea : 04/07/2015 15:55:01
Matthews Signs Deal With Black Cats
Sunderland : 04/07/2015 15:45:00
Van Persie Dismisses Besiktas Link
Man Utd : 04/07/2015 15:12:00
Worst Moment of 2014 / 2015 - The Editors` View
Chelsea : 04/07/2015 15:03:01

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Ray Wilkins appointment?
Suggested By:  JP Fear
Good 78%
Bad 6%
Indifferent 16%