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In The Dressing Room (Burnley) Spoof

In The Dressing Room (Burnley) Spoof

*We join the lads at Turf Moor as they chatter in anticipation for their match against Burnley* By Hercs

MON: Alright lads, now Burnley may look like a team of half-soaked pirates but they can play some football.

*Ashley Young raises his hand*

MON: Ashley?

Young: You're standing on my foot boss.

MON: Well I'd apologise Ashley but I have little choice, after all this 'changing room' is a portaloo, besides you don't hear Craig complaining and I'm stood on his face.

Gardner(muffled): Just glad to be helping the team boss.

*NRC and Carew are shivering outside*

NRC: We can't hear you boss!

*MON unlocks and sticks his head outside the door*

MON: Well I'm sorry, but what do you want me to do sit on the toilet and have you in one at a time on my knee like a santa's grotto!?

Carew: Well that was my idea and I think...

*MON slams and locks the door*

NRC: Stupid boss and his favourites.

*The door unlocks and opens, MON sticks his head out*

MON: What was that!?

NRC: Nothing boss.

MON: I thought not!

*MON slams and locks the door again*

MON: Now we won 5-1 against Bolton and with Stilyan and Emile back we should be a ten times more potent threat with pace and goals.

*The portaloo erupts with laughter, NRC and Carew frown at the laughter outside*

MON: But enough jokes, like I said Burnley are every bit as dangerous as their weather-beaten, disheveled looking faces would suggest.

Heskey: So boss, how be it that we vanquish these vagrants forsooth?

MON: In my tactical genius I have come up with a secret weapon. Moustapha!

Salifou: Finally. I always knew that Togo's finest would get his shot at the ....

MON: What're you talking about? Fetch me my bag.

*a deflated Salifou passes MON an Asda bag, MON withdraws it's contents*

MON: Voila!

Young: Dove!?

MON: Yes, genius is it not? You'll each have a bar and chase your man with it, they'll not have a clue what to do when presented with a cleaning agent.

Cuellar: Och! and it will nay dry their skin like soap can.

MON: Ha! Very good Carlos, now could you perhaps move your face? You're giving me a rash.

*there is a banging on the door*

NRC: Boss, boss let us in there are a crew of what look like pirates approaching!

By Hercs!

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Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:J P Fear
Date:Thursday November 19 2009
Time: 1:11PM

Comments

0
"Writer: J P Fear" I'll see you in court. lol
Hercs
19/11/2009 13:24:00
0
"Writer: J P Fear" I'll see you in court. lol
Hercs
19/11/2009 13:24:00
0
Portacloo? You will be lucky, that's sheer luxury round these parts. You will have to use the smallest changing room in the Football League (apart from Crewe I think) and don't expect any hot water to come out the tap, in fact any water!! ;-)
turfmanphil
19/11/2009 13:42:00
0
Portacloo? You will be lucky, that's sheer luxury round these parts. You will have to use the smallest changing room in the Football League (apart from Crewe I think) and don't expect any hot water to come out the tap, in fact any water!! ;-)
turfmanphil
19/11/2009 13:42:00
0
I can imagine standing next door Jensen revs a chainsaw whilst Eagles screams a high pitched shriek for the whole duration of the away teams team talks.
Hercs
19/11/2009 14:02:00
0
I can imagine standing next door Jensen revs a chainsaw whilst Eagles screams a high pitched shriek for the whole duration of the away teams team talks.
Hercs
19/11/2009 14:02:00
0
lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though! :o)
vitalfootballadmin
19/11/2009 14:09:00
0
lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though! :o)
vitalfootballadmin
19/11/2009 14:09:00
0
"lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though!" That's exactly what J.K.Rowling said, I let that slide then look what happened! lol.
Hercs
19/11/2009 14:27:00
0
"lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though!" That's exactly what J.K.Rowling said, I let that slide then look what happened! lol.
Hercs
19/11/2009 14:27:00
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