Aston Villa - In The Dressing Room (Burnley) Spoof
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In The Dressing Room (Burnley) Spoof

*We join the lads at Turf Moor as they chatter in anticipation for their match against Burnley* By Hercs

MON: Alright lads, now Burnley may look like a team of half-soaked pirates but they can play some football.

*Ashley Young raises his hand*

MON: Ashley?

Young: You're standing on my foot boss.

MON: Well I'd apologise Ashley but I have little choice, after all this 'changing room' is a portaloo, besides you don't hear Craig complaining and I'm stood on his face.

Gardner(muffled): Just glad to be helping the team boss.

*NRC and Carew are shivering outside*

NRC: We can't hear you boss!

*MON unlocks and sticks his head outside the door*

MON: Well I'm sorry, but what do you want me to do sit on the toilet and have you in one at a time on my knee like a santa's grotto!?

Carew: Well that was my idea and I think...

*MON slams and locks the door*

NRC: Stupid boss and his favourites.

*The door unlocks and opens, MON sticks his head out*

MON: What was that!?

NRC: Nothing boss.

MON: I thought not!

*MON slams and locks the door again*

MON: Now we won 5-1 against Bolton and with Stilyan and Emile back we should be a ten times more potent threat with pace and goals.

*The portaloo erupts with laughter, NRC and Carew frown at the laughter outside*

MON: But enough jokes, like I said Burnley are every bit as dangerous as their weather-beaten, disheveled looking faces would suggest.

Heskey: So boss, how be it that we vanquish these vagrants forsooth?

MON: In my tactical genius I have come up with a secret weapon. Moustapha!

Salifou: Finally. I always knew that Togo's finest would get his shot at the ....

MON: What're you talking about? Fetch me my bag.

*a deflated Salifou passes MON an Asda bag, MON withdraws it's contents*

MON: Voila!

Young: Dove!?

MON: Yes, genius is it not? You'll each have a bar and chase your man with it, they'll not have a clue what to do when presented with a cleaning agent.

Cuellar: Och! and it will nay dry their skin like soap can.

MON: Ha! Very good Carlos, now could you perhaps move your face? You're giving me a rash.

*there is a banging on the door*

NRC: Boss, boss let us in there are a crew of what look like pirates approaching!

By Hercs!




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The Journalist

Writer: J P Fear Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday November 19 2009

Time: 1:11PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
"Writer: J P Fear" I'll see you in court. lol
Hercs
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19/11/2009 13:24:00

"Writer: J P Fear" I'll see you in court. lol
Hercs
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19/11/2009 13:24:00

Portacloo? You will be lucky, that's sheer luxury round these parts. You will have to use the smallest changing room in the Football League (apart from Crewe I think) and don't expect any hot water to come out the tap, in fact any water!! ;-)
turfmanphil
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19/11/2009 13:42:00

Portacloo? You will be lucky, that's sheer luxury round these parts. You will have to use the smallest changing room in the Football League (apart from Crewe I think) and don't expect any hot water to come out the tap, in fact any water!! ;-)
turfmanphil
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19/11/2009 13:42:00

I can imagine standing next door Jensen revs a chainsaw whilst Eagles screams a high pitched shriek for the whole duration of the away teams team talks.
Hercs
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19/11/2009 14:02:00

I can imagine standing next door Jensen revs a chainsaw whilst Eagles screams a high pitched shriek for the whole duration of the away teams team talks.
Hercs
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19/11/2009 14:02:00

lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though! :o)
vitalfootballadmin
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19/11/2009 14:09:00

lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though! :o)
vitalfootballadmin
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19/11/2009 14:09:00

"lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though!" That's exactly what J.K.Rowling said, I let that slide then look what happened! lol.
Hercs
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19/11/2009 14:27:00

"lol, oh bugger, usually change that... feck, can't do that in admin, will add a thing in the article instead! Says on the front page intro though!" That's exactly what J.K.Rowling said, I let that slide then look what happened! lol.
Hercs
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19/11/2009 14:27:00

Ha, done twice. Feck, even my login was wrong today, it has all gone pete tong!
The Fear
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19/11/2009 15:39:00

Ha, done twice. Feck, even my login was wrong today, it has all gone pete tong!
The Fear
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19/11/2009 15:39:00

Carew: Well that was my idea and I think... <-- Classic!
Stourbridge Villan
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19/11/2009 16:15:00

Carew: Well that was my idea and I think... <-- Classic!
Stourbridge Villan
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19/11/2009 16:15:00

Class Hercs, pure class. Thanks and keep them coming.
andy5759
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19/11/2009 19:25:00

Class Hercs, pure class. Thanks and keep them coming.
andy5759
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19/11/2009 19:25:00

Loved it gave me a real giggle, although we don't have an away dressing room they have to use pub toilets accross road.
sheclaret
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19/11/2009 19:49:00

Loved it gave me a real giggle, although we don't have an away dressing room they have to use pub toilets accross road.
sheclaret
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19/11/2009 19:49:00

Brilliant Hercs. Best 'in the dressing room' for quite a while. I'm always keeping my eyes out for these post as they are always good for a laugh. Keep them coming!
JayVFC
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19/11/2009 20:11:00

Brilliant Hercs. Best 'in the dressing room' for quite a while. I'm always keeping my eyes out for these post as they are always good for a laugh. Keep them coming!
JayVFC
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19/11/2009 20:11:00

 

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