Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

In The Dressing Room (Prior To West Ham Game)

In The Dressing Room (Prior To West Ham Game)

Hercs and Eiricols Son with 'in the dressing room' spoofs:

Hercs:

*We join the lads preparing for West Ham*

MON: OK gentlemen, as usual I've done my in-depth analysis of our opposition and Frankie Dettori's men don't stand a chance against us.

*Young raises his hand*

MON: Ashley?

Young: isn't Frankie the horse guy?

MON: Horses!? I'd not seen that during my analysis.

Robertson: Wasn't our 'analysis' just watching last weeks Match of the Day at the pub boss?

*MON is already on his phone*

MON: Yes Chris, it's Martin. Martin O'Neill.

....

MON: What do you mean you've never heard of me !? Martin O'Neill the Villa manager.

....

MON: No that's Offiah and he's rugby. Do you know Martin Offiah?

....

MON: Then why would he ring you then!? Anyway, I need Marlon back.

*MON hangs up*

MON: Heskey you're up. Their horses will be no match for our donkeys.

NRC: Aren't horses better than donkeys boss?

MON: Pipe down you, lest I put the slipper to your backside once more!

*NRC cowers sheepishly back into his chair*

Milner: I think tha' Ashley's reet boss, look...

*Milner holds up a picture of Frankie Dettori on 'Racing Times', he's sporting a wide grin as usual and the headline reads 'I don't manage West Ham, I'm a Former Jockey'*

Petrov: Yis, West Ham's manager is looking more like this...

*Petrov holds up a Troll doll, Petrov has shaved its head to the point it mimics male pattern baldness*

MON: Ah yes, Gianfranco Zola.

*Delph enters, he looks frantic*

Delph: has anyone seen Fabio? My troll doll? ...... Fabio ... no it can't .... FABIO!!! Stilyan you monster!

*Petrov shakes the doll whilst talking out the side of his mouth*

Petrov: I am not the Fabio, I am the Zola. Carltony Coles go and score all the goal, now!

MON: Stilyan! Put Gianfranco Zola down this instant! And Zola I demand you put some clothes on!

-------------

Eiricols Son

A dressing down in the dressing room! (West Ham Away)

The door to the Villa changing room opens just a crack, and our cameraman is able to take a quick snoop on the tactics for West-Ham away!

MON: Ok lads, this week I've decided that we're going to have a tactic.
*Heskey raises hand*
MON: Yes lad?
Emile: I was just wondering why I'm in the team at centre back?
MON: Well you've been whining to play haven't you?!
Emile: yes, but why at centre back?
MON: Well, I decided with you in the box nobody is going to score...
*Emile hangs head*
MON: Ok, on with the task in hand... our secret tactic for the game
*Warnock raises hand*
MON: Yes lad?
Warnock: Has it got anything to do with us hoofing the ball down the park
to John and Gabriel?
MON: WHAT!!!?? How could you possibly have found that out? It's completely
top secret!!
Warnock: Lucky guess?
*Reo-Coker raises hand*
MON: Yes lad?
Reo: Thanks for putting me in the team boss... what changed your mind?
MON: Well i decided we need a bit of fight in midfield! Now then... onto
our next point - GOALS. Who is going to get me GOALS?
*Sidwell and Heskey raise hands*
MON: Any serious suggestions please?
Dunne: What about we play the ball to Ashley, and he falls over, and then
we can get free-kicks and penalties in dangerous areas?
MON: Ok, good plan, now get outa here and start scoring! Go on, vamoose!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs & Eiricols Son
Date:Wednesday November 4 2009
Time: 9:00AM

Best of Vital Network

Comments

0
another article on vital, another dig at MON, well done!
pauled177
04/11/2009 14:50:00
0
another article on vital, another dig at MON, well done!
pauled177
04/11/2009 14:50:00
0
On the contrary I'm a big fan of MON and what he's done for the club. I don't for a second he would confuse a Petrov voiced troll doll for Gianfranco Zola.
Hercs
04/11/2009 16:06:00
0
On the contrary I'm a big fan of MON and what he's done for the club. I don't for a second he would confuse a Petrov voiced troll doll for Gianfranco Zola.
Hercs
04/11/2009 16:06:00
0
Blimey, lighten up!
juddy
05/11/2009 12:37:00
0
Blimey, lighten up!
juddy
05/11/2009 12:37:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Gabby Agbonlahor - Shaped Up - Now Ship Out?

So, the Gabby Agbonlahor question has once again surfaced!

High Approval For New Manager And 1st Signing

Poll summaries, looks like the fans approve of Di Matteo/Steve Clarke and their 1st signing.

Doctor Xia Knows What To Prescribe For Aston Villa?

It`s only a snippet but news is thin on the ground at the moment and I feel it unfair to deprive you all too long of my wise words....!

Elphick's Superstitions To Continue

New centre half Tommy Elphick has insisted his pre match ritual of attacking the goal posts instead of having a team photo will continue following his move to Aston Villa.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Can Gabby redeem himself and stay?
Suggested By: JP Fear
Yes40%
No58%
Meh, not sure2%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
C Burnley 46 26 15 5 93 37
P Middlesbrough 46 26 11 9 89 32
3 Brighton 46 24 17 5 89 30
4 Hull City 46 24 11 11 83 34
5 Derby County 46 21 15 10 78 23
6 Sheff Wed 46 19 17 10 74 21
7 Ipswich 46 18 15 13 69 2
8 Cardiff 46 17 17 12 68 5
9 Brentford 46 19 8 19 65 5
10 Birmingham 46 16 15 15 63 4
11 Preston 46 15 17 14 62 0
12 Q.P.R. 46 14 18 14 60 0
13 Leeds Utd 46 14 17 15 59 -8
14 Wolves 46 14 16 16 58 -5
15 Blackburn 46 13 16 17 55 0
16 Forest 46 13 16 17 55 -4
17 Reading 46 13 13 20 52 -7
18 Bristol City 46 13 13 20 52 -17
19 Huddersfield 46 13 12 21 51 -11
20 Fulham 46 12 15 19 51 -13
21 Rotherham 46 13 10 23 49 -18
R Charlton 46 9 13 24 40 -40
R MK Dons 46 9 12 25 39 -30
R Bolton 46 5 15 26 30 -40
Write for Vital Football
Latest F1 News
F1 Prediction Comp - Open for round 9
Latest Vital Boxing News
Froch Not Sure About Groves!
The Vital Football Members League

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear413
2.sirdennis168
3.BodyButter157
4.Fulford148
5.JuanPabloAngel119
6.kefkat110
7.glensider96
8.DeanoVilla95
9.Melon Donkey83
10.Silhillvilla76
Vital Football Comment