Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

In The Dressing Room (Prior To West Ham Game)

In The Dressing Room (Prior To West Ham Game)

Hercs and Eiricols Son with 'in the dressing room' spoofs:

Hercs:

*We join the lads preparing for West Ham*

MON: OK gentlemen, as usual I've done my in-depth analysis of our opposition and Frankie Dettori's men don't stand a chance against us.

*Young raises his hand*

MON: Ashley?

Young: isn't Frankie the horse guy?

MON: Horses!? I'd not seen that during my analysis.

Robertson: Wasn't our 'analysis' just watching last weeks Match of the Day at the pub boss?

*MON is already on his phone*

MON: Yes Chris, it's Martin. Martin O'Neill.

....

MON: What do you mean you've never heard of me !? Martin O'Neill the Villa manager.

....

MON: No that's Offiah and he's rugby. Do you know Martin Offiah?

....

MON: Then why would he ring you then!? Anyway, I need Marlon back.

*MON hangs up*

MON: Heskey you're up. Their horses will be no match for our donkeys.

NRC: Aren't horses better than donkeys boss?

MON: Pipe down you, lest I put the slipper to your backside once more!

*NRC cowers sheepishly back into his chair*

Milner: I think tha' Ashley's reet boss, look...

*Milner holds up a picture of Frankie Dettori on 'Racing Times', he's sporting a wide grin as usual and the headline reads 'I don't manage West Ham, I'm a Former Jockey'*

Petrov: Yis, West Ham's manager is looking more like this...

*Petrov holds up a Troll doll, Petrov has shaved its head to the point it mimics male pattern baldness*

MON: Ah yes, Gianfranco Zola.

*Delph enters, he looks frantic*

Delph: has anyone seen Fabio? My troll doll? ...... Fabio ... no it can't .... FABIO!!! Stilyan you monster!

*Petrov shakes the doll whilst talking out the side of his mouth*

Petrov: I am not the Fabio, I am the Zola. Carltony Coles go and score all the goal, now!

MON: Stilyan! Put Gianfranco Zola down this instant! And Zola I demand you put some clothes on!

-------------

Eiricols Son

A dressing down in the dressing room! (West Ham Away)

The door to the Villa changing room opens just a crack, and our cameraman is able to take a quick snoop on the tactics for West-Ham away!

MON: Ok lads, this week I've decided that we're going to have a tactic.
*Heskey raises hand*
MON: Yes lad?
Emile: I was just wondering why I'm in the team at centre back?
MON: Well you've been whining to play haven't you?!
Emile: yes, but why at centre back?
MON: Well, I decided with you in the box nobody is going to score...
*Emile hangs head*
MON: Ok, on with the task in hand... our secret tactic for the game
*Warnock raises hand*
MON: Yes lad?
Warnock: Has it got anything to do with us hoofing the ball down the park
to John and Gabriel?
MON: WHAT!!!?? How could you possibly have found that out? It's completely
top secret!!
Warnock: Lucky guess?
*Reo-Coker raises hand*
MON: Yes lad?
Reo: Thanks for putting me in the team boss... what changed your mind?
MON: Well i decided we need a bit of fight in midfield! Now then... onto
our next point - GOALS. Who is going to get me GOALS?
*Sidwell and Heskey raise hands*
MON: Any serious suggestions please?
Dunne: What about we play the ball to Ashley, and he falls over, and then
we can get free-kicks and penalties in dangerous areas?
MON: Ok, good plan, now get outa here and start scoring! Go on, vamoose!

Win FREE pizza with Vital Football!
Select your team and get 50% off if they score twice.
www.papajohns.co.uk/football



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs & Eiricols Son
Date:Wednesday November 4 2009
Time: 9:00AM

Comments

0
another article on vital, another dig at MON, well done!
pauled177
04/11/2009 14:50:00
0
another article on vital, another dig at MON, well done!
pauled177
04/11/2009 14:50:00
0
On the contrary I'm a big fan of MON and what he's done for the club. I don't for a second he would confuse a Petrov voiced troll doll for Gianfranco Zola.
Hercs
04/11/2009 16:06:00
0
On the contrary I'm a big fan of MON and what he's done for the club. I don't for a second he would confuse a Petrov voiced troll doll for Gianfranco Zola.
Hercs
04/11/2009 16:06:00
0
Blimey, lighten up!
juddy
05/11/2009 12:37:00
0
Blimey, lighten up!
juddy
05/11/2009 12:37:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Match Day Officials v Newcastle (7/5/16)

The Premier League have now announced the Match Day officials that will take charge of the game against Newcastle United this weekend.

U21s - Villa To Face Arsenal

Aston Villa know their Premier League Division 2 Play Off final opponents - it's Arsenal.

Who Will Aston Villa Face In 2016/17 (3/5/16)

With less than a handful of games remaining in the 2015/16 campaign, some promotions and relegations in the football pyramid are already known.

Villa To Break The Bank For McCormack?

It's being reported that Aston Villa are hugely interested in Fulham goal machine Ross McCormack.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Aston Villa meh v Newcastle Utd will
Suggested By: Mystic Mug
LOL.. win29%
Lose, it's what we do58%
Draw, meh13%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
C Leicester City 36 22 11 3 77 30
2 Spurs 36 19 13 4 70 39
3 Arsenal 36 19 10 7 67 25
4 Man City 36 19 7 10 64 30
5 Man Utd 35 17 9 9 60 12
6 West Ham 35 15 14 6 59 17
7 Southampton 36 16 9 11 57 14
8 Liverpool 35 15 10 10 55 11
9 Chelsea 35 12 12 11 48 7
10 Stoke 36 13 9 14 48 -14
11 Everton 35 10 14 11 44 6
12 Watford 35 12 8 15 44 -6
13 Swansea 36 11 10 15 43 -13
14 WBA 36 10 11 15 41 -14
15 AFC Bournemouth 36 11 8 17 41 -20
16 Crystal Palace 36 10 9 17 39 -10
17 Newcastle 36 8 9 19 33 -25
18 Sunderland 35 7 11 17 32 -18
19 Norwich 35 8 7 20 31 -26
R Aston Villa 36 3 7 26 16 -45
Write for Vital Football
Latest F1 News
2016 has lacked ultimate thrill for Rosberg
Latest Vital Boxing News
That Joshua and Breazeale Bust-Up
The Vital Football Members League

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

May 7 2016 3:00PM : Newcastle United (H)
Barclays Premier League
May 15 2016 3:00PM : Arsenal (a)
Barclays Premier League

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Pride of Lions155
2.The Fear61
3.kefkat55
4.sirdennis43
5.villasince6734
6.Silhillvilla31
7."Merd"28
8.Thomas Holte26
9.DeanoVilla24
10.LORD RON SAUNDERS21
Vital Football Comment