The Dressing Room (Goodnight Sweetheart!)
Herc with another fly on the wall account of life in the Villa dressing room!
*MON storms into his office where Stilyan Petrov and Emile Heskey are eating bowls of Sugar Puffs*
MON: What the hell is this!?
*MON slams a paper on the table in front of Heskey*
MON: You're going to leave me? And I find out through the papers?!
Heskey: Boss I...
MON: Who do you think you are? Jude Law?
Heskey: Look boss they've taken it out of context....
MON: What next? Have you got a child with someone else!?
Heskey: Boss! It's not like we're in a relationship.
MON: What's wrong with you players? Of course it's a relationship, this contract *MON waves Heskey's contract* is like a marriage between man and club.
Heskey: I think you're being a bit ....
MON: A bit what Emile? A bit what?! Players today, in my day we would proudly wear the club's kit like a wedding dress, parade about in it we would, got married in my full Nottingham Forest kit I did. Everyday was the best day of your life. Nowadays it's all illegimate love-ins with the press.
Heskey: Now come on!
MON: You come on! I take you in, let you eat my Sugar Puffs. As a matter of fact give me those Sugar Puffs.
*MON snatches the bowl from Emile*
MON: They're my Sugar Puffs, Emile. Mine!
Heskey: Now you're just being childish boss.
MON: Childish!? Would a child do this?
*MON raises his hands to either side of his head like ears and brays like a donkey*
MON: Eyore! Eyore!
Heskey: What? What is this? Are you calling me a donkey?
MON: Yes Emile a donkey! YOU are a donkey! Now what am I?
*MON lies still on the ground, Petrov chimes in*
Petrov: Ooh, boss I don't know, what are you?
MON: I'm Emile 'holding up the ball'
*Petrov bursts out laughing*
Petrov: It is funny because Emile is always falling over when he is getting the ball.
Heskey: You monster!
*Heskey flees from the office using his forearm to hide his tearful eyes*
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