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'If It's Football, It's Vital'

The Dressing Room (Goodnight Sweetheart!)

Herc with another fly on the wall account of life in the Villa dressing room!

*MON storms into his office where Stilyan Petrov and Emile Heskey are eating bowls of Sugar Puffs*

MON: What the hell is this!?

*MON slams a paper on the table in front of Heskey*

MON: You're going to leave me? And I find out through the papers?!

Heskey: Boss I...

MON: Who do you think you are? Jude Law?

Heskey: Look boss they've taken it out of context....

MON: What next? Have you got a child with someone else!?

Heskey: Boss! It's not like we're in a relationship.

MON: What's wrong with you players? Of course it's a relationship, this contract *MON waves Heskey's contract* is like a marriage between man and club.

Heskey: I think you're being a bit ....

MON: A bit what Emile? A bit what?! Players today, in my day we would proudly wear the club's kit like a wedding dress, parade about in it we would, got married in my full Nottingham Forest kit I did. Everyday was the best day of your life. Nowadays it's all illegimate love-ins with the press.

Heskey: Now come on!

MON: You come on! I take you in, let you eat my Sugar Puffs. As a matter of fact give me those Sugar Puffs.

*MON snatches the bowl from Emile*

MON: They're my Sugar Puffs, Emile. Mine!

Heskey: Now you're just being childish boss.

MON: Childish!? Would a child do this?

*MON raises his hands to either side of his head like ears and brays like a donkey*

MON: Eyore! Eyore!

Heskey: What? What is this? Are you calling me a donkey?

MON: Yes Emile a donkey! YOU are a donkey! Now what am I?

*MON lies still on the ground, Petrov chimes in*

Petrov: Ooh, boss I don't know, what are you?

MON: I'm Emile 'holding up the ball'

*Petrov bursts out laughing*

Petrov: It is funny because Emile is always falling over when he is getting the ball.

Heskey: You monster!

*Heskey flees from the office using his forearm to hide his tearful eyes*




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The Journalist

Writer: Herc Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday October 12 2009

Time: 11:49AM

Your Comments

These are good, but Benham used to do all these fake conversation script things a few months back and never got front paged!! Hercs' stuff is good, but I thought Benham's was good too, possibly better.
young_jonah
These are good, but Benham used to do all these fake conversation script things a few months back and never got front paged!! Hercs' stuff is good, but I thought Benham's was good too, possibly better.
young_jonah
HHAHAAHHAA
faroe_villa_rules
HHAHAAHHAA
faroe_villa_rules
yes but I hate Benham since he called me rude names via text and the way he never laugh's at my jokes...! :o)
The Fear
yes but I hate Benham since he called me rude names via text and the way he never laugh's at my jokes...! :o)
The Fear
ooooh, thats embarrassing....
benham
ooooh, thats embarrassing....
benham
Fear your jokes care crap! He keeps forwarding them to me!
Ratman
Fear your jokes care crap! He keeps forwarding them to me!
Ratman
your jokes ARE crap
Ratman
your jokes ARE crap
Ratman
fine ratters.....i wont bother in future! tho the cludo one was great, but that was deanos :5:
benham
fine ratters.....i wont bother in future! tho the cludo one was great, but that was deanos :5:
benham
Any links to your stuff Benham?
Hercs
Any links to your stuff Benham?
Hercs
Nice one :o)
DoLpHiNaToR
Nice one :o)
DoLpHiNaToR
nah fear keeps deleting them.............
benham
nah fear keeps deleting them.............
benham
Take no notice Hercs, YJ just has "special" feelings for benham.
steff_the_villan
Take no notice Hercs, YJ just has "special" feelings for benham.
steff_the_villan
ratman, you've really hurt my feelings now...! (By the way, join up on the lions thing mate!)
The Fear
ratman, you've really hurt my feelings now...! (By the way, join up on the lions thing mate!)
The Fear
Hercs don't encourage benham, we keep trying to ban him but he keeps coming back! :o))
The Fear
Hercs don't encourage benham, we keep trying to ban him but he keeps coming back! :o))
The Fear
Well well, A Vital Villa civil war? ;-) And great article, laughed my guts out!
JT_daniel
Well well, A Vital Villa civil war? ;-) And great article, laughed my guts out!
JT_daniel
:o) Bit of banter... apart from with Benham, he bullies me you know?!
the fear
:o) Bit of banter... apart from with Benham, he bullies me you know?!
the fear
BLOODY AMAZING!
Matt_Us
BLOODY AMAZING!
Matt_Us
 

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