The Dressing Room (Manchester City)
We join the lads gearing up for their Monday night clash with Man City*
MON: So, Man City, this'll see the return of Gareth so I'll be expecting ...
Dunne: Us to kick him ta death bass?
MON: What!? Heavens no, I was going to say.....
Dunne: Right, plausible deniablity bass, gotcha.
*Dunne taps his nose and points at MON*
MON: What? Why are you tapping your nose and pointing to me like that? I honestly mean....
Dunne: Gotcha bass, honest as the day is long ya are bass, no involvement in the kicking.
*Dunne points at MON with both fingers tapping his thumbs like pistol hammers and winking*
MON: What's with the 'hand guns' and winking? Look don't just go out there and kick the lad.
Dunne: Right ya are bass, ya never know who's watchin' with tha cameras about today and all that.
*Dunne sticks a thumb up keeping his hand below his waist and motioning to the thumb with his head*
MON: So no kicking Gareth Barry then, we're agreed?
Dunne: 'COURSE NOT BASS! WON'T TOUCH THE LAD!
*Dunne looks around with a large fake grin, turns to MON and nods*
MON: Wait, why are you talking like that? Is that nod agreeing you won't touch him?
Dunne: Oh Aye there'll be no kicking to be seen.
Voice over the tannoy: ***Can the club managers please make their way to the dugout***
MON: Right, got to go, good luck lads, Stilyan, captain's speech.
*MON Leaves the dressing room, Petrov stands, Dunne pushes Petrov back into his seat.*
Dunne: I'll take this one Stanny boy. Right lads ya heard tha bass, kick lumps out of Gareth Barry!
Collins: I don't know, it didn't sound like the boss said that, Barry seems a nice enough guy too, I met him at a charity thing once and ......Ow! Richard! Did you just ... Bite me?
Dunne: Yes, yes I did.
*The lads look fearfully at Dunne who now has a crazed look in his eye*
Dunne: Now, Who we gonna kick!?
All the Lads: Gareth Barry!
Dunne: When we gonna kick 'im!?
All the Lads: Now!