UK time is: 02:25:42
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

The Latest Villa Times From 2017

The latest offering from MozVilla:

Hi there, I’m a slightly older, more jaded Jonathan Fear, and welcome to The Villa Times 2017.

This could turn out to be the most significant week in Villa’s history since that one in 2009 when Doug Ellis was rebuilt as a Cyborg and started the devastating Krulak Wars, leading to the end of The Randy Uprising (as we are now legally, and humorously, obliged to call it).

As we near the 10th anniversary of the 25th anniversary of the European Cup win, when we celebrate ten years since that wonderful day when we celebrated twenty-five years since that wonderful day when we won Europe’s biggest receptacle, RoboDoug has announced his plans to mark the occasion by ceremoniously disembowelling anyone who mentions it and wrapping their corpse in a Sheffield United kit (brings back memories, eh? Sheffield – how I miss it. Still, I hear the scuba diving is quite unique up there; it’s the only place where you can pick up fossilised whippets from the sea bed).

As he approaches twenty years at the villa, and eleven years since his last football match, Lee Hendrie (40) says he still has a host of top clubs from the GlaxoSmithKline MegaPremiership (brought to you by DietHeroin® – “Smack to the Future”) queuing up for his signature.

The rest of the squad – 21 clones of Zat Knight – has pledged its collective future to Villa. Thank God.

With the new GlaxoSmithKline MegaPremiership (brought to you by DietHeroin® – “Slam Dunk the Junk”) season approaching, The Trinity Road stand is to be rebuilt as a dug-out, as manager David Platt’s circumference is now comparable to that of a high street bank. Looks like that statue of Steve Stride fellating our glorious mechanically-enhanced overlord will have to be moved again.

The Football Fans Census has produced a report calling for a lift to the ban on singing, talking and smiling at all UK football stadia, and will present its findings to the GlaxoSmithKline MegaPremiership (brought to you by DietHeroin® – “Get Down with the Brown”) Board of Dictators.

Although the safety issues surrounding singing at football matches have been well-publicised since David Beckham finally figured out what they were singing about his first, third and eighth wives and successfully sued every crowd member at New Wembley, the ban on smiling has courted controversy since its inception. However, recent legislation requiring all attendees at football matches to sit cross-legged on a big rug and watch quietly has been welcomed by all parities as a long overdue, common-sense move.

In related news, Birmingham City have identified and arrested a fan who coughed too loudly during last season’s otherwise silent local derby, causing Karren Brady to wee herself (Click here to watch the hilarious video on YouTube).

Finally, the £5.60 bid by Londis to be our shirt sponsors next season will now enter a consultation period, during which all shareholders’ opinions will be sought, collated and quietly ignored.

We’ve only got a short time until the long, agonising pre-season comes to an end – I still maintain that five days is too long to go without football – so here’s looking forward to a new season in the GlaxoSmithKline MegaPremiership (brought to you by DietHeroin® – “Some Skag in a Bag”).

By MozVilla

Also by Moz: We Want Ice Cream and Villa Dreams

Why not add your own headlines from 2017 folks?!?!




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: J P Fear Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Saturday June 23 2007

Time: 12:22PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
Nice filler. Good to read some escapist fun for a change!
sandgroanun
Report Abuse
23/06/2007 12:27:00

makes more sense than most of my Villa Times anyway, I do enjoy MozVillans take on things!
The Fear
Report Abuse
23/06/2007 12:34:00

great read just sad that in 2017 i'll be 30 i'll be old
Christo
Report Abuse
23/06/2007 14:34:00

I'll be 48 :(
GeordieBoy
Report Abuse
23/06/2007 14:36:00

i couldn't take my eyes of the picture to be honest!
Its All Over FC
Report Abuse
23/06/2007 14:43:00

yes, no words needed really are there??!?!
The Fear
Report Abuse
23/06/2007 16:03:00

Sh@t, I will be 40!
Dannygav
Report Abuse
23/06/2007 18:54:00

I still can't get that link to Brady *****ing her pants to work, having problems with the hyperlinks agin Fear? :o)
Villain Of The North
Report Abuse
23/06/2007 20:48:00

Oh my god ill be 25 :O:O
Newman
Report Abuse
23/06/2007 23:33:00

stop fretting about your ages. just look at the peachy butt at the top......see, lifes not too bad is it?
bobbyfett
Report Abuse
24/06/2007 22:35:00

I will be 59 and I hope I'm still not waiting for a Villa Captain to life the FA Cup............
col8
Report Abuse
24/06/2007 23:29:00

Mention of the Stride statue pleasuring our overlord made my Sunday.
glensider
Report Abuse
25/06/2007 02:17:00

Man,i wish i could write like that....................... Up The VILLA !!
Dudley_Villa
Report Abuse
28/06/2007 15:32:00

I'll be 48 btw GULP!!
Dudley_Villa
Report Abuse
28/06/2007 15:33:00

 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

The Statistical Force Is With Us ! (Thursday March 5 2015)

Vlaar On Stoke Sending Off (Thursday March 5 2015)

Benteke Talks West Brom & FA Cup (Thursday March 5 2015)

Gabby Delighted With Albion Strike (Thursday March 5 2015)

Bradley DoF Link Denied (Wednesday March 4 2015)

Petrov On Sherwood & VP Return? (Wednesday March 4 2015)

Benteke Buzzing With Albion Victory (Wednesday March 4 2015)

Sherwood Defends Hutton's Groin Shot (Wednesday March 4 2015)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Pride of Lions 204
2. ClivetheVillan 199
3. The Fear 119
4. kefkat 114
5. thefacehead 90
6. sirdennis 86
7. Freeman14 71
8. HeathfieldRoad1874 71
9. Bonker 68
10. DeanoVilla 61

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
14. Everton 28 6 10 12 -8 28
15. Hull City 28 6 9 13 -11 27
16. Sunderland 28 4 14 10 -16 26
17. Aston Villa 28 6 7 15 -23 25
18. Q.P.R. 27 6 4 17 -19 22
19. Burnley 28 4 10 14 -22 22
20. Leicester City 27 4 6 17 -20 18

Breaking League News

Danilo Only Has Eyes for Real Madrid!
» Man Utd : 05/03/2015 18:45:00
Trio Selected for Brazilian Internationals
» Chelsea : 05/03/2015 17:55:01
Evans and Cisse Charged by the FA
» Man Utd : 05/03/2015 17:41:01
Young on his Late Winner
» Man Utd : 05/03/2015 17:33:01
Van Gaal - Best Performance of the Season!
» Man Utd : 05/03/2015 17:28:01

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

WBA MotM
Suggested By:  MF
Guzan 6%
Hutton 3%
Okore 1%
Clark 19%
Lowton 9%
Westwood 0%
Cleverley 1%
Delph 4%
N'Zogbia 1%
Benteke 3%
Agbonlahor 50%
Sub - Grealish 3%
Sub - Bacuna 0%
Sub - Weimann 0%