Aston Villa - We want ice-cream
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We want ice-cream

We want ice-cream!

Villa fans’ memories are either longer and more meticulous than a 7-foot proof-reader, or shorter than David Unsworth’s Villa career, and I can’t decide which.

Long and meticulous, in that we still expect ineptitude in our transfer dealings due to the previous administration; short, in that we have forgotten the professionalism shown in January.

January was like the entire fatherhood experience condensed into a month. First came relief that the window had finally opened. Then, impatience at a distinct lack of activity. We were then gratified at our first success, although there was still a nagging feeling that things were a little bit slack around the edges. Finally, there was a sense of triumph that we were once again able to lodge a firm bid and make a satisfying deposit.

Obviously the Ellis Hangover still stifles our optimism, and no wonder. If, as a child, you were promised ice-cream on a scorchingly hot day, only to watch your mum fail to secure the services of a Funny Foot for what she deemed to be a perfectly competitive offer of 4p, while a passing trillionaire bought the entire ice cream van and its contents and sat inside cackling and rolling around in lovely cold Cornettos, and your mum consoled you with the fact that she tried as hard as she could to buy you an ice cream but wasn’t willing to jeopardise the long-term future of the family for an extra 10p, and then demolished your lovely old Victorian house and replaced it with a big shed, you’d probably be sceptical about any future ice-cream purchases. So it is with us and Villa’s transfer activities.

When news emerged that Sidwell – young and promising; the sort of player we’d never have signed under Doug – was off to Chelsea to polish benches with his buttocks (or to polish his buttocks with benches; it works either way I think), I started to feel the trembling, lethargic hand of Octogenarian Transfer Dealings on my shoulder. Fair enough to Sidwell I suppose; if I was offered a famine-abolishing salary just to sit on my corpulent arse as part of a ‘reserve’ company, rather than the ‘first 11’ company, where I could sleepwalk through my job because my results would be of no real consequence, I really wouldn’t grumble. But then that’s probably why I’m not a top sporting personality (well, that and the fact that I can’t play sport and have no personality).

We’d all like to see the likes of Sidwell at Villa. But tarnishing the current deities – sorry, people – in charge of Villa with the same brush as the previous owner strikes me as being a little petulant. Just because the transfer window has recently been nudged open, should we expect Ronaldinho to climb enthusiastically through it, especially while we’re trying to cram Djemba-Djemba’s fat useless arse out the other way? Expecting us to compete with Champions League clubs in the transfer market is like putting money on Ronnie Corbett in a 1-on-1 with Michael Jordan.

We should rejoice that we can now compete for players like Young, Carew and, hopefully, Reo-Coker; 12 months ago we resolutely couldn’t, or wouldn’t. But that still doesn’t mean we’ll get everyone we target, due to the damned inconvenience of the existence of several hundred other football teams across the globe.

At least now there is a chance of us getting some proper footballers with two legs and a head (each), and that is progress as far as I’m concerned. Even whilst writing this article, it emerges that we have bid for Nigel Reo-Coker, or ‘Reo-Cocker’ as some people prefer. Encouraging. But the best bit was on Midlands News last night:

“Aston Villa are rumoured to have bid 7m for Nigel Reo-Coker. Villa have refused to comment.”

Breathe easy friends; the right people are in charge. We’ll get there eventually.

By MozVillan

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The Journalist

Writer: J P Fear Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Wednesday June 6 2007

Time: 4:18PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
brilliantly written!
The Fear
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06/06/2007 16:22:00

I second the Fears comment. In M'ON we trust. In Randy we believe.
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 16:37:00

Great article... now take a breath!
Hoss The Villain
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06/06/2007 16:38:00

Brilliant article, held my attention all the way through. 10/10
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 16:47:00

Great piece--thanks for writing!
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 16:54:00

Great article Moz! I'll have a flake in mine! Up the Villa!
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 16:56:00

Scott Parker has moved to WHU for 7m - looks like they'll be happy with the 7m bid we've logded for R-C and that'll he'll sign in the next 24-48hrs! They haven't dismissed the 7m so they certainly are considering it... Next up..... Mr. Wesley Sniedjer? ;-)
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 17:05:00

Great article, but bear in mind all this speculation and banter is a good laugh. Particularly when I think not so long back - praying Beattie would sign!
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 17:13:00

F*ck me, I beginning to doubt there was any sanity left.
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 17:19:00

i agree,quality article mate. UTV
Belfast Villain
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 17:39:00

loved that . The great thing now is we know the signings are the managers choice.
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 17:51:00

Belfast anymore Celtic players linked today?!? Boruc
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 17:55:00

Great post. Last season before Randy and Martin we would not even be in the hunt for quality players, just shows how much more credible we are now. Cant wait for next season. UTV.
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 18:52:00

Great read and it must be because I normaly cant be bothered reading long stuff
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 18:55:00

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06/06/2007 18:59:00

Funny foot ice-creams, oh happy days............
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 19:04:00

When is Coker going to sign then :~#
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 19:08:00

Anyone remeber Haunted House ice lols?
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 19:15:00

remember even!
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 19:15:00

Yea I used to have those foot ice creams all the time when I used to live in Portugal
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 20:24:00

It's made me feel all grown up and relaxed, thanks moz, and funny feet, god that takes me back i haven't thought about them since i last had one, and that was 30 years ago when i was 14.
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 20:30:00

haha tarzan,i have defo had enough of our feeder club links now till we actually sign another one of em that is(boruc would do nicely),they are boring even me! not worth the aggro from the bitter ones i reckon.UTV
Belfast Villain
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 21:12:00

Anyone watch the Engerland game tonight, I reckon the U21s would have beaten them!
Report Abuse
06/06/2007 23:03:00

one word............... bloomin brilliant (sic)!!!!! :)
Report Abuse
07/06/2007 13:36:00

The Ice cream was a Funny Face, I should remember as one of my mates got chucked out of a shop in Wales for asking the Owners Wife if she had a funny face. So funny when the old man chucked him out the shop. Great Artical dude, my Dad always told me when the Ice Cream Van playes a tune its because he is happy and has sold all his Ice Creams.
Report Abuse
10/06/2007 05:32:00

Summed up the feelings and views of most Villans. Very good article, provided a most enjoyable read.
Report Abuse
19/06/2007 15:58:00

99 with a flake please!
Report Abuse
22/09/2007 23:06:00


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