Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

The bra has been raised

The bra has been raised

There are two things in life that I`ll never really understand; bigamy, and the mechanics of a bra. The wife finds my ineptness hilarious, she was rolling on the floor last night as I struggled with a multitude of hooks; I should really have passed her the valium.

For me, that was the least amusing moment of my life, and I`ve met Tim Lovejoy.

Whenever I feel depressed, I find the quotes of Ian Holloway are always therapeutic. The great man has been responsible for more quality lines than Pete Doherty.

The Plymouth manager`s mirth masks an underlying intelligence, like a beauty queen dying her hair ginger to fend off an unwanted suitor. I refuse to underestimate the modern day Socrates; I`m piling into Plymouth at 17/10 to knock out Watford.

The last time Middlesbrough met Manchester United, Gareth Southgate was quick to condemn Ronaldo`s propensity to greet the turf like a long lost relative.

Sir Alex was equally unequivocal in his counter, labelling the novice manager 'naïve`, which as far as i`m aware, is not even a real word. There are an abundance of words that adequately sum up the 3/4 for another Manchester United win, I`ve settled for 'pulchritudinous`.

It would not surprise me in the slightest if the contentious Ronaldo opened the scoring at 7/1. The orange winger is currently so hot; it would take a whole tub of Canesten to cool him down.

Chelsea`s grip on the Premiership has been loosened by the often maligned John O`Shea. Frank Lampard found it particularly ironic, as most of his goals have been assisted by John`s lesser known brother, Rick.

I`ve had a pop at Lamps in the past, but I must praise him for defending Adebayor in the aftermath of the Carling Cup. I`m not sure I believe his claim that he was never smacked; something must have given him the munchies. I`ll be taking the family out for a slap-up meal if Chelsea beat Tottenham at 4/9; they can even 'go large`.

Jose Mourinho should steer clear of the card tables. The Special One looked completely bewildered as Shevchenko missed another sitter last week; the only way the Chelsea manager would ever win at poker is if he played the West Ham lads. A bet on Lampard to net the opener at 13/2 is the equivalent of getting your hands on a big pair.

Blackburn host Manchester City in a tie that has 'home win` written all over it. The Rovers have already hammered Psycho`s gang twice this season; the odds of 19/20 would need to be lying seductively on a couch wearing a Velcro brassiere to be any more appealing.

Manchester City`s strike-force is so lightweight, wafer-thin model Kate Moss would be a clear favourite if they were ever to meet in a ruck. Blackburn are 6/5 to keep a clean sheet, dig in.

I`m often asked why I appear reluctant to share my expertise on the Scottish football scene. I can assure you it`s not a result of xenophobia; some of my best friends know Scottish people.

Celtic are on a six match unbeaten run against Rangers; they look a cracking investment at 21/20 to continue their recent outright ownership. There`s a real lesson to be learned here, money earned from an FA Cup match is equal to money gained from park football.

The weekend accer is so inspiring; it makes me believe that one day all men will be free from discrimination, injustice and persecution for trying to lift a bra over a lady`s head. Chelsea, Blackburn, Plymouth and Celtic are the selections, the payout is an ample 12/1.

Weekend Betting:

Middlesbrough v Man Utd
Saturday 10th March 17:30
Live on BBC

Middlesbrough 5/1
Draw 13/5
Man Utd 3/4

Get on: Man Utd

Match Special:
Ronaldo to score with a header 8/1

Chelsea v Tottenham
Sunday 11th March 12:45
Live on BBC One

Chelsea 4/9
Draw 3/1
Tottenham 7/1

Get on: Chelsea

Match Special:
Lampard to score from outside the penalty area 4/1

Blackburn v Man City
Sunday 11th March 16:00
Live on Sky

Blackburn 19/20
Draw 23/10
Man City 10/3

Get on: Blackburn

Match Special:
Blackburn to win and keep a clean sheet 2/1

Plymouth v Watford
Sunday 11th March 18:00
Live on BBC One

Plymouth 17/10
Draw 23/10
Watford 8/5

Get on: Plymouth

Match Special:
Plymouth to score three or more goals 11/2

Celtic v Rangers
Sunday 11th March 12:30
Live on Setanta

Celtic 21/20
Draw 23/10
Rangers 10/3

Get on: Celtic

Match Special:
Nakamura to score direct from a free kick 8/1

By Gerry McDonnell

Win FREE pizza with Vital Football!
Select your team and get 50% off if they score twice.
www.papajohns.co.uk/football


Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Site Staff
Date:Saturday March 10 2007
Time: 11:58AM

Best of Vital Network

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Nigel Pearson NOT Aston Villa Bound - Rammed

Phew (for me) and doh (for others!) Nigel Pearson has gone to Derby County

Di Matteo Appointment Close

Late yesterday evening it was reported that further talks between Chairman Steve Hollis and Roberto Di Matteo had taken place...

No Villa Regrets For Amavi

French Left back Jordan Amavi has said he has no regrets about joining Aston Villa last summer, and he's pretty down to earth when it comes to his thoughts...

Xia Has Bigger Plans To Benefit Aston Villa

It's being reported that new owner, or soon to be, Dr Tony Xia is already in talks to purchase a second club.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Roberto Di Matteo would be:
Suggested By: JP Fear
A great appointment28%
A good appointment but I'd prefer a.n.other42%
An average appointment17%
No thanks appointment!13%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
C Leicester City 38 23 12 3 81 32
2 Arsenal 38 20 11 7 71 29
3 Spurs 38 19 13 6 70 34
4 Man City 38 19 9 10 66 30
5 Man Utd 38 19 9 10 66 14
6 Southampton 38 18 9 11 63 18
7 West Ham 38 16 14 8 62 14
8 Liverpool 38 16 12 10 60 13
9 Stoke 38 14 9 15 51 -14
10 Chelsea 38 12 14 12 50 6
11 Everton 38 11 14 13 47 4
12 Swansea 38 12 11 15 47 -10
13 Watford 38 12 9 17 45 -10
14 WBA 38 10 13 15 43 -14
15 Crystal Palace 38 11 9 18 42 -12
16 AFC Bournemouth 38 11 9 18 42 -22
17 Sunderland 38 9 12 17 39 -14
R Newcastle 38 9 10 19 37 -21
R Norwich 38 9 7 22 34 -28
R Aston Villa 38 3 8 27 17 -49
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
2016 Monaco GP - FP2
Latest Vital Boxing News
Eubank Jnr in Goodwill Gesture
Write for Vital Football

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Pride of Lions857
2.The Fear495
3.kefkat346
4.sirdennis296
5.Lerner Out!250
6.Fulford245
7.JuanPabloAngel228
8.glensider205
9.DeanoVilla175
10.Silhillvilla169
The Vital Football Members League