Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Moz Villa's Hush Hush - Aston Villa Insider News!

Moz Villa's Hush Hush - Aston Villa Insider News!

Off the record, on the QT, and very hush-hush: Aston Villa insider news

Undercover reporter Avi Nalaf unzips his cunning goalpost disguise to bring us the latest insider gossip from Bodymoor Heath.

With the Barry saga all but wrapped up, I’ve been quietly hiding behind Gareth’s ego to find out what he’s been doing with all his spare time and money. Fiddling with his balls and learning Scouse seem to have occupied most of his time (he’s nailed the phrase “dey doo doh don’t dey doh”, and can say it while untangling his testes without even grimacing).

However, I struck gold yesterday when his bezzie mate Steven came round, and they skipped off to go and frolic through a grassy meadow while singing “You’ll never wa*k alone” (I didn’t quite catch the lyrics). Foolishly, Bazza left his mansion’s Genital Husbandry Suite unlocked, and I was able to sneak in and grab a few choice extracts from his diary, which we exclusively reveal here:

“Went to travel agents. Told them, off the record, that I wanna go to Spain. Wanted to go for ages. Now feels like the right time…”

“… Still heard nothing. English tourist board “too busy” to offer me incentive to stay. Shocking. I have still not been led by the hand onto a plane bound for Spain and had my pockets stuffed with free Euros. That’s well disrespectful. England is rubbish…”

“…WTF???! Found out that I actually have to explicitly tell the travel agents to book the holiday – AND PAY FOR IT MYSELF – in order to go to Spain. No discount; no £3m spending money. Nothing. Was told that if I want to go, I have to actually ASK for it, AND it will hit me in the pocket. It’s a scandal. I’ll just wait for the Spanish government to import me…”

“…Bored. Nothing to do except practise talking like Paul O’Grady and play with my balls. Hope I get exported soon ‘cos everyone in England hates me now. It’s not fair.”

How scandalous. My heart goes out to Gareth in this, his time of greed. Sorry, need.

Now for some juicy transfer gossip. We’ve all heard the rumours about Sidwell, Bentley and Robinson. But two potentially explosive new signings have gone unreported by the press.

The little-known Rottweiler brothers were taken on trial by the club on Monday. “Who?” I hear you ask. Well, they hail (heil?) from Germany and play in the goalkeeper and right-back positions – two positions we badly need to fill. My sources tell me that they were aggressive, combative and liable to discharge faeces at any given time, and were so imposing in training that the dinner lady made the rest of the squad go back to their classrooms until it was all over (although my sources may have got them confused with Joey Barton. I will check immediately).

Meanwhile, Martin O’Neill’s continuing naivety in the transfer market may lead to him losing out on one of his big summer targets… because he foolishly recommended the player to another club! Liverpool are now hot favourites to sign a certain out-of-favour Spurs striker, formerly a Charlton goal-machine. Apparently, when Rafa Benitez offered £12m for Gareth Barry, O’Neill thoughtfully suggested that, as an alternative, he should “get Bent”. More on this as it develops.

Stay tuned for the next gossip column, when Wayne Routledge will show us how you can make a handy chocolate teapot for just one million pounds, and I’ll be having an unsettling webcam chat with Ashley Young.



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Moz Villan
Date:Wednesday July 9 2008
Time: 4:10PM

Comments

0
Brilliant pmsl!!
Jon.H
09/07/2008 16:20:00
0
lol@ Moz like it !
scoops
09/07/2008 16:25:00
0
Lol, great read
notthedougellisstand
09/07/2008 16:28:00
0
Exciting, these 2 new germans sound like the dogs ********* ;)
GCR_villlan
09/07/2008 16:42:00
0
Magnificent post!!!!
erv2005
09/07/2008 17:08:00
0
You trying to be the new Eircol MozVillan. Good article, well written. Puts these 'in the know' guys into perspective.
glensider
09/07/2008 18:45:00
0
this is actually quite funny!
EZLFC
10/07/2008 03:21:00
0
NICE ARTICLE THERE!
Gruck
10/07/2008 09:25:00
0
Mozvillan, Hats off my friend. That's the funniest thing i've read in ages!!! BRILLIANT!!!!
Holte End Hero
10/07/2008 10:24:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Villa Replicate Reading Offer

With Reading charging our fans (season ticket holders or members) only £20 for our trip to the Madejski Stadium earlier in the season, Villa have reciprocated the deal...

Hogan Relishing Kodjia Partnership

January signing Scott Hogan has said he and Jonathan Kodjia are determined to build up a 'frightening' strike partnership between now and the end of the season.

Opposition Feel The Force With Jedi Defence

Australian skipper Mile Jedinak's career path has taken a twist in the last few weeks as Aston Villa manager Steve Bruce utilises him in a centre half role.

Milner Takes Vassell's Lucky Scoring Record

Former Aston Villa midfielder James Milner has now replaced former striker Darius Vassell at the top of a particularly impressive Premier League scoring table.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

I have nothing to ask! I hate international breaks!
Suggested By: ;o)
Agree90%
Disagree2%
Whatever 8%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Newcastle 38 24 6 8 78 38
2 Brighton 38 23 8 7 77 30
3 Huddersfield 37 22 5 10 71 4
4 Leeds Utd 38 21 6 11 69 16
5 Reading 38 20 7 11 67 2
6 Sheff Wed 38 18 8 12 62 9
7 Fulham 38 16 13 9 61 19
8 Norwich 38 16 9 13 57 9
9 Preston 38 15 12 11 57 6
10 Derby County 38 14 11 13 53 3
11 Barnsley 38 14 9 15 51 0
12 Aston Villa 38 13 12 13 51 0
13 Cardiff 38 14 9 15 51 -1
14 Brentford 38 14 8 16 50 3
15 Q.P.R. 38 14 8 16 50 -5
16 Wolves 37 12 9 16 45 -2
17 Ipswich 38 10 15 13 45 -9
18 Birmingham 38 11 12 15 45 -16
19 Bristol City 38 11 8 19 41 -3
20 Forest 38 11 8 19 41 -11
21 Burton 38 10 11 17 41 -14
22 Blackburn 38 9 13 16 40 -11
23 Wigan 38 8 10 20 34 -13
24 Rotherham 38 4 5 29 17 -54
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Renault call for engine budget cap
Latest Vital Boxing News
Taylor v Joubert – Meadowbank, Scotland
Write for Vital Football

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Apr 1 2017 3:00PM : Norwich City (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 4 2017 7:45PM : Queens Park Rangers (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 8 2017 3:00PM : Burton Albion (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 15 2017 3:00PM : Reading (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 17 2017 2:45PM : Fulham (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 23 2017 12:00PM : Birmingham City (H)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear353
2.Pride of Lions279
3.sirdennis276
4.JuanPabloAngel239
5.HeathfieldRoad1874215
6.Sasquatch160
7.Silhillvilla155
8.Melon Donkey143
9.BodyButter132
10.DeanoVilla124
The Vital Football Members League