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Ignore Sunderland, Sit Down

Birmingham City Council have warned Aston Villa that the ground could be closed if supporters continue to stand.

Yes that's right folks, forget crime, murder, the ridiculous Government, somkers, drinkers and people who like 4x4's.

We have a new menace. Fans who stand.

I had to type that slowly, simply is the power of the deliquents and the fear that the word 'stand' invokes in us all.

Are fans who stand the 'new Chavs' or 'hoodies'? People will be panicking in their homes and refuse to leave the house during kick off times for the fear of accidently catching sight of the new menace.

Another cracking find by the 'Elf and Safety' Police - when do these people sleep, surely it's a 24 hour job to keep up with risk assessments to protect us from ourselves.

Afterall, it's a given isn't it. A fan standing will automatically throw themselves down the steps or across the rows of other fans. They can't just stand there and watch the game - no, they must be planning to hurt us all.

Standing fans are the 'Terrorists of the Age of Fandom'.

Anyway, in a meeting between John Handley, head of safety and security and our loveable Council, the club were warned that the ground could face closure next season if the 'orrible standing fans don't use their bums more often.

Speaking to the E+S, Handley said:

"The Holte holds 13,000 people and we`re talking about a section of 1,000 seats in the upper Holte, K block.

"We`re addressing the problem of fans standing in that area.

"Standing is permitted at times of excitement such as when a goal is scored or when a player is cautioned, but these people resist every attempt to get them to sit down."

I'm sure John has better things to do but in this nanny state we live in it's not like he has any choice.

So fans in the upper Holte, K block, do John a favour and let him get on with things far more fun than talking to the Council eh.

Yes, I am trying to avoid anything match related tonight!




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The Journalist

Writer: Mike Field Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Saturday March 22 2008

Time: 7:51PM

Your Comments

we live in real danger, thank god we have councilers, politicians and liberly wishy doo gooders to look after us all.

Remember the savage times when you were able to have a drink, take in a bottle top lid, cheer and stand up? I shudder at the awful risks we all took.

I think they should go one further and wrap us all in cotton wool before we enter the arena, make sure we are safe. Also the ball should be foam in case it hits any of us and maybe the refs whistle should be changed for a little flag because the decibels of the whistle could be doing untold damage.
The Fear
Lets just hope the gnomes at the council dont take umbridge at people cheering when the team scores. The wearing of football shirts at football matches could replace smashing old ladies over the head for their pension, the council should remember what Aston Villa brings to the city of Birmingham, regular Premiership football season after season.
col8
Is this why the team have stopped trying to get us excited ? So we don`t inevitably perish ?
ASPINALL
Fans that stand are obviously a bigger threat than Al-Qaeda. :-P I am half expecting seat belts to be fitted to all seats and ear plugs to become compulsory as I am sure if a noise assessment was carried out it would be far too loud. How on earth did we ever manage back in 1946 when over 76 000 fans were crammed in Villa Park. The world's gone bloody mad!!
DoLpHiNaToR
one word - PATHETIC!
JeffBeck-TheLeftSide
Laws are laws are guess, and the Council is only going by the book, but even so.
glensider
Sooner or later though, this anti-supporter age that we live in, everything included, t.v., wierd kick off times, can do's/cant do's etc etc., is really going to push the regular attendee to the brink. When attendances start dropping, hopefully the F.A. wont feel the need to ask why.
glensider
 

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