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Ruud van Nistelrooy Linked To Villa

(No) Reports today are linking Aston Vanilla with a shock move for former Manchester United striker Ruud van Nistelrooy.

The Real Madrid striker, who has 36 goals in 54 games for the Spanish giants, is said to be bored of life in sunny Spain and craves life in Aston.

The players wife has apparently been spotted not only looking at houses in Castle Vale and Spark Brook but also has been photographed shopping in Aldi and Matalan. She is apparently excited at the prospect of shunning the many boutiques in Spain and sampling the delights of TK Maxx.

A source close to the player (when I say close I mean about 2000 miles away and having never met him) is quoted as saying 'Ruud can't wait as he loves to see his name quoted in the papers'.

Apparently Martin O'Neill has met with the player in an exclusive restaurant in Sutton Coldfield called McDonalds and was impressed with the enthusiasm from the striker but was apparently put off his food by looking at what can only be described as a horseface whilst attempting to eat.

According to some reports General Charles Krulak has threatened to storm the bastions of the Bernabéu if the striker refuses to sign a deal with us.

We at Vital Vanilla will of course keep you up to date with any non-developments and by the end of the week will be printed quotes from the player saying that he has never even been to McDonalds and his wife hasn't in fact shopped at Matalan. To date there is no denials from the Horseface camp that they have indeed shopped at Aldi.

(Or in other words, the transfer window hasn't shut as yet, lets not panic!)




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The Journalist

Writer: J P Fear Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Sunday January 20 2008

Time: 11:38AM

Your Comments

Now that is more like it!!!! How long before one of the papers picks up on this and prints it as a true story? Thank you for making all right in the world again.
CLVilla
Hey, if you can't beat them, join them.

I had one picked up on a year or so back, forget what rubbish I was talking but the next minute a few of the gossip sites had it printed as well.
The Fear
I saw him at bodymoor Heath!! Tarzans bro will confirm it next I'm sure.
Gazvilla
Brilliant - but you say it in jest...... I actually saw Ruud with MON driving out of McDonalds, and hed got his fries in a nose bag. When I tapped the window of his car he put a thumbs up to me quizzing him about a villa move, but before he signed he need to go and locate a spare rear bumper for his wifes ford cortina mk IV....
Adbo9
Blimey, News of the World just offered me 20 000 G's to say the story is true!
Gazvilla
With great power comes great responsibility, Fear - use it wisely!!!
CLVilla
This isn't funny. Kaka and Messi won't come if we appear to be interested in the equine one.
VillaYamYam
I take it we shouldn't be holding our collective breath then?
godzvilla
My dad knows a dentist whose sister knows this scuba diver who knows an astronaut who is best friends with a pirate who often speaks to a malfunctioning robot butler who walks the dog of a gay cowboy who doesn't have any contacts at Real Madrid. Anyway, we'll be signing Ruud Van Nistelrooy tomorrow.
Spatula
Great one! Let's see how long it takes for the automatic news feeds to pick up on this one and by Wednesday it's on the back pages of the Mirror.
Saurat
Cheers for that I saw the headline and shouted to my bro that villa been linked to Van horse face and then I felt like a blood y idiot after reading that
krisvilla
Krisvilla - Whoever says you're gullible needs sorting 8 -)
Gazvilla
damn transfer window! i keep logging on everyday in the hope of a signing any signing. I gotta a feeling villa are gonna win tomorrow, looking forward to the game, who needs van horse face!
krisvilla
I haven't checked any rumours since last night, and came straight here this afternoon.....For about 3 seconds there, I was thinking "I knew he'd pull it out of the hat"....
evoflash
ha ha, I think we are all slightly gullible ha ha, no more didgy articles it's just cruel for us simple bunch
krisvilla
didgy means dodgy as i say simple!
krisvilla
Ha ha ha you cad you Mr Fear, had me at it then untill the meet in mac'ds and i know MON only ever uses Burger King. Glad to see the nurse has got you back on the meds mate :)
Mutt_Man
Thats more like it! Remeber the days when Doug used to leak stories about Maradona or Klinsmann or Lineker about to put pen to paper on a five year deal, having been Villa fans since finding a copy of Shoot on holiday in Benidorm as a kid? You know the one with the feature on Brian Little! Or how about when Charlie Aitkin was playing for the Cosmos and hat tapped up Beckenbaur and Pele for one last chance at superstardom, heady days! I see we've also been linked to Angel and Crespo this morning, what would we want a couple of fat, old, lazy, south americans for?
Waldorf
Sorry Kris!!! :o)))))

I remember the 'list' Waldorf. Doug called a press conference and 'dropped' his list of targets, including the likes of Batistuta etc. Turns out the list was only the 'sort' of players he wanted, not the actual players he would go for. I seem to remember a few members of the press being very annoyed at being called to a press conference for basically nothing! Ooooh, those were the days! Oh, and think Crespo we are being linked to is a 21-year old, not Herman (sp) Crespo! Not that it matters, neither will be a target!
The Fear
Nah, i don't think this could be true. Trust me, i've been in that Mcdonalds, and Horse face would be the least of his troubles. Damned press and their rumours.
Carlosio
Carlosio I think its a joke not real
krisvilla
Hmm, think maybe i'd already figured that out, dont you?
Carlosio
ha ha! only jokin carl
krisvilla
Who's this guy then?! is he any good?>!?
leelindsay
I'm sorry but I don't believe this, I've been to that McDonalds and Ruud would never have got his fat head through those doors.
deano_t
I never read such a load of embellished rubbish in all my life. I mean; it can't be true, can it? He he!
Nigel-not-Reo
Oi Fear, what the hell is wrong with Castle Vale?! He could do a lot worse than move in next to me... ;-)
Sheriff Kimbo
The good times are coming back to VP! Champions league anyone? (I understand that it's impossible to create tone via text)
AstonMartinOneill
I wonder how many people from other sites have come here wanting to berate us, and then just realised that we're actually all just hilarious, sarcastic gits.
Carlosio
I heard Villa were chasing Just Fontaine...
gwyllum18
I tell you what though, he'd struggle to get in the team. Maybe play him at right back.
evoflash
More truth in this VV exclusive than the trash we've read in the newspapers regarding potential signings, since the arrival of Saint Martin.
glensider
 

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