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Ruud van Nistelrooy Linked To Villa

Ruud van Nistelrooy Linked To Villa

(No) Reports today are linking Aston Vanilla with a shock move for former Manchester United striker Ruud van Nistelrooy.

The Real Madrid striker, who has 36 goals in 54 games for the Spanish giants, is said to be bored of life in sunny Spain and craves life in Aston.

The players wife has apparently been spotted not only looking at houses in Castle Vale and Spark Brook but also has been photographed shopping in Aldi and Matalan. She is apparently excited at the prospect of shunning the many boutiques in Spain and sampling the delights of TK Maxx.

A source close to the player (when I say close I mean about 2000 miles away and having never met him) is quoted as saying 'Ruud can't wait as he loves to see his name quoted in the papers'.

Apparently Martin O'Neill has met with the player in an exclusive restaurant in Sutton Coldfield called McDonalds and was impressed with the enthusiasm from the striker but was apparently put off his food by looking at what can only be described as a horseface whilst attempting to eat.

According to some reports General Charles Krulak has threatened to storm the bastions of the Bernabéu if the striker refuses to sign a deal with us.

We at Vital Vanilla will of course keep you up to date with any non-developments and by the end of the week will be printed quotes from the player saying that he has never even been to McDonalds and his wife hasn't in fact shopped at Matalan. To date there is no denials from the Horseface camp that they have indeed shopped at Aldi.

(Or in other words, the transfer window hasn't shut as yet, lets not panic!)

Writer:J P Fear
Date:Sunday January 20 2008
Time: 11:38AM


Now that is more like it!!!! How long before one of the papers picks up on this and prints it as a true story? Thank you for making all right in the world again.
20/01/2008 11:44:00
Hey, if you can't beat them, join them.

I had one picked up on a year or so back, forget what rubbish I was talking but the next minute a few of the gossip sites had it printed as well.
The Fear
20/01/2008 11:48:00
I saw him at bodymoor Heath!! Tarzans bro will confirm it next I'm sure.
20/01/2008 11:53:00
Brilliant - but you say it in jest...... I actually saw Ruud with MON driving out of McDonalds, and hed got his fries in a nose bag. When I tapped the window of his car he put a thumbs up to me quizzing him about a villa move, but before he signed he need to go and locate a spare rear bumper for his wifes ford cortina mk IV....
20/01/2008 11:53:00
Blimey, News of the World just offered me 20 000 G's to say the story is true!
20/01/2008 11:55:00
With great power comes great responsibility, Fear - use it wisely!!!
20/01/2008 11:55:00
This isn't funny. Kaka and Messi won't come if we appear to be interested in the equine one.
20/01/2008 12:40:00
I take it we shouldn't be holding our collective breath then?
20/01/2008 12:50:00
My dad knows a dentist whose sister knows this scuba diver who knows an astronaut who is best friends with a pirate who often speaks to a malfunctioning robot butler who walks the dog of a gay cowboy who doesn't have any contacts at Real Madrid. Anyway, we'll be signing Ruud Van Nistelrooy tomorrow.
20/01/2008 12:51:00
Great one! Let's see how long it takes for the automatic news feeds to pick up on this one and by Wednesday it's on the back pages of the Mirror.
20/01/2008 12:56:00
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