Aston Villa - Ruud van Nistelrooy Linked To Villa
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Ruud van Nistelrooy Linked To Villa

(No) Reports today are linking Aston Vanilla with a shock move for former Manchester United striker Ruud van Nistelrooy.

The Real Madrid striker, who has 36 goals in 54 games for the Spanish giants, is said to be bored of life in sunny Spain and craves life in Aston.

The players wife has apparently been spotted not only looking at houses in Castle Vale and Spark Brook but also has been photographed shopping in Aldi and Matalan. She is apparently excited at the prospect of shunning the many boutiques in Spain and sampling the delights of TK Maxx.

A source close to the player (when I say close I mean about 2000 miles away and having never met him) is quoted as saying 'Ruud can't wait as he loves to see his name quoted in the papers'.

Apparently Martin O'Neill has met with the player in an exclusive restaurant in Sutton Coldfield called McDonalds and was impressed with the enthusiasm from the striker but was apparently put off his food by looking at what can only be described as a horseface whilst attempting to eat.

According to some reports General Charles Krulak has threatened to storm the bastions of the Bernabéu if the striker refuses to sign a deal with us.

We at Vital Vanilla will of course keep you up to date with any non-developments and by the end of the week will be printed quotes from the player saying that he has never even been to McDonalds and his wife hasn't in fact shopped at Matalan. To date there is no denials from the Horseface camp that they have indeed shopped at Aldi.

(Or in other words, the transfer window hasn't shut as yet, lets not panic!)

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The Journalist

Writer: J P Fear Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Sunday January 20 2008

Time: 11:38AM

Your Comments (oldest first)

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Now that is more like it!!!! How long before one of the papers picks up on this and prints it as a true story? Thank you for making all right in the world again.
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 11:44:00

Hey, if you can't beat them, join them.

I had one picked up on a year or so back, forget what rubbish I was talking but the next minute a few of the gossip sites had it printed as well.
The Fear
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 11:48:00

I saw him at bodymoor Heath!! Tarzans bro will confirm it next I'm sure.
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 11:53:00

Brilliant - but you say it in jest...... I actually saw Ruud with MON driving out of McDonalds, and hed got his fries in a nose bag. When I tapped the window of his car he put a thumbs up to me quizzing him about a villa move, but before he signed he need to go and locate a spare rear bumper for his wifes ford cortina mk IV....
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 11:53:00

Blimey, News of the World just offered me 20 000 G's to say the story is true!
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 11:55:00

With great power comes great responsibility, Fear - use it wisely!!!
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 11:55:00

This isn't funny. Kaka and Messi won't come if we appear to be interested in the equine one.
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 12:40:00

I take it we shouldn't be holding our collective breath then?
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 12:50:00

My dad knows a dentist whose sister knows this scuba diver who knows an astronaut who is best friends with a pirate who often speaks to a malfunctioning robot butler who walks the dog of a gay cowboy who doesn't have any contacts at Real Madrid. Anyway, we'll be signing Ruud Van Nistelrooy tomorrow.
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 12:51:00

Great one! Let's see how long it takes for the automatic news feeds to pick up on this one and by Wednesday it's on the back pages of the Mirror.
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 12:56:00

Cheers for that I saw the headline and shouted to my bro that villa been linked to Van horse face and then I felt like a blood y idiot after reading that
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 13:17:00

Krisvilla - Whoever says you're gullible needs sorting 8 -)
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 13:23:00

damn transfer window! i keep logging on everyday in the hope of a signing any signing. I gotta a feeling villa are gonna win tomorrow, looking forward to the game, who needs van horse face!
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 13:31:00

I haven't checked any rumours since last night, and came straight here this afternoon.....For about 3 seconds there, I was thinking "I knew he'd pull it out of the hat"....
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 13:40:00

ha ha, I think we are all slightly gullible ha ha, no more didgy articles it's just cruel for us simple bunch
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 13:42:00

didgy means dodgy as i say simple!
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 13:46:00

Ha ha ha you cad you Mr Fear, had me at it then untill the meet in mac'ds and i know MON only ever uses Burger King. Glad to see the nurse has got you back on the meds mate :)
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 13:56:00

Thats more like it! Remeber the days when Doug used to leak stories about Maradona or Klinsmann or Lineker about to put pen to paper on a five year deal, having been Villa fans since finding a copy of Shoot on holiday in Benidorm as a kid? You know the one with the feature on Brian Little! Or how about when Charlie Aitkin was playing for the Cosmos and hat tapped up Beckenbaur and Pele for one last chance at superstardom, heady days! I see we've also been linked to Angel and Crespo this morning, what would we want a couple of fat, old, lazy, south americans for?
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 14:46:00

Sorry Kris!!! :o)))))

I remember the 'list' Waldorf. Doug called a press conference and 'dropped' his list of targets, including the likes of Batistuta etc. Turns out the list was only the 'sort' of players he wanted, not the actual players he would go for. I seem to remember a few members of the press being very annoyed at being called to a press conference for basically nothing! Ooooh, those were the days! Oh, and think Crespo we are being linked to is a 21-year old, not Herman (sp) Crespo! Not that it matters, neither will be a target!
The Fear
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 15:29:00

Nah, i don't think this could be true. Trust me, i've been in that Mcdonalds, and Horse face would be the least of his troubles. Damned press and their rumours.
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 16:47:00

Carlosio I think its a joke not real
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 17:13:00

Hmm, think maybe i'd already figured that out, dont you?
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 17:27:00

ha ha! only jokin carl
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 17:30:00

Who's this guy then?! is he any good?>!?
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 19:11:00

I'm sorry but I don't believe this, I've been to that McDonalds and Ruud would never have got his fat head through those doors.
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 20:04:00

I never read such a load of embellished rubbish in all my life. I mean; it can't be true, can it? He he!
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 20:29:00

Oi Fear, what the hell is wrong with Castle Vale?! He could do a lot worse than move in next to me... ;-)
Sheriff Kimbo
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 21:02:00

The good times are coming back to VP! Champions league anyone? (I understand that it's impossible to create tone via text)
Report Abuse
20/01/2008 22:54:00

I wonder how many people from other sites have come here wanting to berate us, and then just realised that we're actually all just hilarious, sarcastic gits.
Report Abuse
21/01/2008 03:35:00

I heard Villa were chasing Just Fontaine...
Report Abuse
21/01/2008 03:43:00

I tell you what though, he'd struggle to get in the team. Maybe play him at right back.
Report Abuse
21/01/2008 09:26:00

More truth in this VV exclusive than the trash we've read in the newspapers regarding potential signings, since the arrival of Saint Martin.
Report Abuse
22/01/2008 21:43:00


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