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I saw her limping there!

I saw her limping there!

The wife is no stranger to exercise. Somewhat controversially, she now concentrates solely on working her liver; I can see the logic though, it’s occasionally her second largest internal organ.

If the Government told the wife that she could only purchase her beloved Buckfast during January, she would quite rightly revolt; which admittedly, is not a major deviation from the norm.

I find it incredible that Premiership managers are handicapped in such a fashion. It’s almost impossible to do any business in such a small window, although I did manage it once in Amsterdam.

Paradoxically, Martin O’Neill’s transactions have been exceptional. He somehow managed to entice the classy John Carew, and all it cost him was a dud Czech. The Villa are bouncing, they’ll see off the Hammers at 10/11.

A little known FIFA clause allows Frank Lampard to leave Chelsea for a relatively paltry £8m. Frank may have his knockers, but that seems a fair price to me. The champions have too much up top for a struggling Charlton; get on at a well developed 2/5.

Sheffield United win the award for the most surprising transfer. You could have knocked me over with a feather when news broke that they had signed Fathi; who knew that they had a spare £8m. The Blades haven’t won in Blackburn for 20 years; the Rovers are the weekend nap at an ample 8/11.

I believe the children are the future, unless we crack down hard on them now. The appointment of Stuart Pearce to the England Under-21 setup has been met with consternation by the Manchester City board; Reading can take full advantage at 12/5.

Mohammed Al Fayed can’t believe that Reading are above Fulham in the table; he thinks it’s a Royal conspiracy. The Cottagers will triumph over Newcastle at a clandestine 13/10.

Paul Jewell must be sick of the sight of Harry Redknapp; and not just because of the annoying twitch. Wigan have already lost twice to Portsmouth this season, a Pompey treble is in the bag at a knee-jerk 13/8.

I am extremely disappointed with Lua Lua. It wasn’t the fact that he was arrested for an alleged domestic disturbance; I feel let down because he didn’t do a double back flip after striking. I’m doing somersaults about the 7/1 for a 1-0 win to Portsmouth.

Jesus is more than handy with a loaf of bread and a piece of cod, but even He would struggle to keep Watford in the Premiership. Prayers do occasionally get answered though, thank you Al Bangura. Get on Bolton to beat Watford at a sacrilicious 5/4.

Liverpool host neighbours Everton in a tantalising Merseyside derby. The Toffeemen haven’t won at Anfield this millennium; it’ll be the Liverpool fans bragging in the benefit office on Monday morning. The Reds are a steal at 8/13.

Cesc Fabregas is a little magician. As long as he avoids Debbie McGee he’s got a decent future in the game. The 4/5 for an Arsenal win over Middlesbrough is spellbinding.

Tottenham are like Paul McCartney on his wedding night, they have to get over an extremely disappointing second leg. Man U will overwhelm the deflated Spurs at 5/6.

Wayne Rooney has been labeled a tubby Eric Cantona, and there’s more than an element of truth in such a comparison. The next big thing can net the opener at 6/1.

Ever since the departure of Cantona (and to a lesser degree Sheringham), United have struggled for a quality player in the hole. I believe Rooney will prove to be the missing link. I’m going ape about United scoring three or more goals at 11/4.

This week’s accer is so alluring, it reminds me of the wife’s sister; but i’ll get into that later. Liverpool, Aston Villa, Blackburn and Reading are the selections, the payout is a feisty 16/1.

Weekend Betting:

Liverpool v Everton Saturday 3rd February 12:45
Live on Premiership Plus

Liverpool 8/13
Draw 13/5
Everton 11/2

Get on: Liverpool

Match Special:
Liverpool to score three or more goals 9/4

Aston Villa v West Ham
Saturday 3rd February 15:00

Aston Villa 10/11
Draw 9/4
West Ham 3/1

Get on: Aston Villa

Match Special:
Carew to score the first goal 7/1

Blackburn v Sheff Utd
Saturday 3rd February 15:00

Blackburn 8/11
Draw 5/2
Sheff Utd 4/1

Get on: Blackburn

Match Special:
Derbyshire and McCarthy both to score 7/1

Charlton v Chelsea Saturday 3rd February 15:00

Charlton 15/2
Draw 10/3
Chelsea 2/5

Get on: Chelsea

Match Special:
John Terry to score with a header 8/1

Fulham v Newcastle Saturday 3rd February 15:00

Fulham 13/10
Draw 9/4
Newcastle 11/5

Get on: Fulham

Match Special:
Montella to score at any time 7/4

Man City v Reading Saturday 3rd February 15:00

Man City 11/10
Draw 9/4
Reading 12/5

Get on: Reading

Match Special:
Reading to score two or more goals 11/5

Watford v Bolton Saturday 3rd February 15:00

Watford 13/5
Draw 9/4
Bolton 5/4

Get on: Bolton

Match Special:
Al Bangura to be booked 5/2

Wigan v Portsmouth Saturday 3rd February 15:00

Wigan 17/10
Draw 9/4
Portsmouth 13/8

Get on: Portsmouth

Match Special:
Portsmouth to keep a clean sheet 15/8

Middlesbrough v Arsenal
Saturday 3rd February 17:15
Live on Premiership Plus

Middlesbrough 4/1
Draw 12/5
Arsenal 4/5

Get on: Arsenal

Match Special:
Henry to score a hat-trick 20/1

Tottenham v Man Utd
Sunday 4th February 16:00
Live on Sky

Tottenham 4/1
Draw 5/2
Man Utd 5/6

Get on: Man Utd

Match Special:
Rooney to score from outside the penalty area 5/1

By Gerry McDonnell

Writer:J P Fear
Date:Thursday February 1 2007
Time: 11:41AM


Always a great read..........
01/02/2007 11:50:00
I agree, a great read - but Frank Lampard with knockers?!? :o)
01/02/2007 14:36:00
He says 'Get on Villa' with a lot more confidence than I can muster. Another quality article though, very enjoyable.
01/02/2007 18:49:00
Cesc Fabregas is a little magician. As long as he avoids Debbie McGee ! LMAO ! ! !
01/02/2007 21:15:00
what i want to know, is which deluded tw4t wrote this garbage on a newcastle website, what a cock..................................Aston Villa boss Martin O'Neill threw another tantrum last night as his side showed why the have only won ONE game in 13. O'Neill was wanted by Newcastle when Graeme Souness was shown the exit door, but he knocked it back. And despite spending a fortune in the transfer market, the ex-Celtic gaffa is struggling in the Premiership. Leading Celtic to glory in the two-horse league in Scotland doesn't stand for much in England. And we saw the true side of him in the World Cup in the summer when he was covering the event for TV. Proved wrong so often, he finally had the nation laughing when he finally lost the plot and shouted at a certain French player "I don't care how many World Cup medals you have ... how many Premiership and Champions League medals ... I AM RIGHT!" Substitute Antoine Sibierski wrapped up the points for Newcastle in injury-time but O'Neill pointed to a disputed effort from Carew that was an obvious push on Sibierski, as the reason for defeat. O'Neill: "I was not best pleased. It was a big moment in the game and it was a goal. I have seen it back and nothing will convince me. It is blatantly obvious it is a goal - if anybody was fouling, it was Sibierski on Carew." O'Neill faces a tough Spring, as his side are heading in one direction ... towards the relegation dog-fight. Is he good enough to manage in the Premiership? You tell me. I knew it all along those geordies know f4ck all about football full stop good luck th villa on saturday
01/02/2007 22:09:00
and we think OAL has problems
01/02/2007 22:11:00
I think Ive been misreading this piece when I saw it on the Newcastle page sorry.
01/02/2007 22:35:00
chill - villa have done this before - slumped badly for 2 to 3 months and then picked up and shot back up the table. i see thr same happening again.
01/02/2007 22:59:00
Tell me Eaton - what year was this? All I know is we have to beat the ammer's - end of story.
02/02/2007 06:42:00
yes PKing you have, glad it got that response from u though!, what a w4nker how ever wrote that. GO ON THE MIGHTY VILLA
02/02/2007 08:05:00
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