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The 2005 Betty Awards

The 2005 Betty Awards


The World famous Betty awards are now in their 2nd year. The gongs for ‘the biggest wrong-un’ and ‘the most blatant skank’ make a welcome return, while new categories such as the award for ‘they don’t like it up ’em’ are finally recognised.

Carrie Ford can consider herself unlucky not to get her hands on a Betty, in the 2005 Grand National, Carrie narrowly failed in her attempt to become the most famous lady rider since Wayne Rooney.

If like Carrie, you failed in your attempt to receive the most coveted award in the World of sport, do not despair; there’s always next year.

The award for the funniest moment of the year:

3rd Place – Peter Crouch going 21 games without scoring
2nd Place – Derek McGovern’s Best Mate gag
Winner – Arsenal’s penalty farce against Manchester City

The award for the most surprising moment of the year:

3rd Place – Liverpool winning the Champions League
2nd Place – Newcastle signing Michael Owen
Winner – Rio Ferdinand used to be a ballet dancer

The award for the ugliest moment of the year:

3rd Place – Lee Bowyer and Kieron Dyer fight
2nd Place – Prince Charles and Camilla marry
Winner – Kinga shows her bottle

The award for Euro scepticism:

3rd Place – The Conservative party
2nd Place – The BNP
Winner – Everton

The award for people who shouldn’t be allowed near a football pitch:

3rd Place – Peter Crouch
2nd Place – Michael Essien
Winner – Fans who chant ‘Easy easy’

The award for file it under ‘a mistake’:

3rd Place – Steve Bruce’s adverts
2nd Place – Steve Bruce’s transfers
Winner – Steve Bruce clapping Man U fans during a Cup beating

The award for the biggest wrong-un in football:

3rd Place – Joey Barton
2nd Place – Michael Essien
Winner – Robbie Savage

The award for the most blatant skank:

3rd Place – Rebecca Loos
2nd Place – Rooney’s old bint
Winner – Helen Chamberlain

The award for the most over-rated footballer:

3rd Place – David James
2nd Place – Peter Crouch
Winner – Robbie Savage

The award for the tubbiest footballer:

3rd Place – Ronaldo (the good one)
2nd Place – Robbie Fowler
Winner – Wayne Rooney

The award for they don’t like it up ‘em:

3rd Place – Alan Shearer
2nd Place – The wife
Winner – Arsenal

By Rob The Bookie



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Go on, get vitalled!

Writer:J P Fear
Date:Friday December 30 2005
Time: 4:36PM

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