Doug Thanked By Man City

Manchester City lost 6 in a row before visiting Villa Park. They are apparently sending a bouquet of flowers to Doug Ellis today in thanks for making our squad so paper thin that we are always willing to oblige teams on a bad run. David O'Leary received the same gratitude from Wigan who hadn't won all year at home. Tweedle dee and tweedle dum were unavailable for comment but were thought to be counting the riches they are making off the back of us 'mugs' (aka supporters).

Darius Vassell didn't say: 'I can't believe how my former club treat me so well, I can't usually score in a brothel and yet I've been allowed four against Villa. They really are my mates'.

Jonathan Fear was more enraged by the lack of water at Villa Park saying to the press - as they ran in the opposite direction 'Ellis isn't all bad and David O'Leary is quite obviously a managerial genius, my main gripe - and I might do a banner to protest - is that with just 26 500 people attending the game the club still couldn't order in enough bottles of water'.

He continued - on his own by now as the press had all left:

'The game was so exciting and I was doing so much cheering that it became obvious to me that I would need a second bottle of water (without the cap obviously on health and safety grounds) for the second half. However the lady behind the kiosk said they had sold out. Well you can imagine my shock. In fact the whole evening was ruined by the lack of a second half drink, I might not go back again'.

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