UK time is: 07:18:15
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Villa News - 'When HE Finally Goes'

Well, just as we started to think that Doug Ellis would go on forever, it is with some sadness that the footballing world says goodbye and rest in peace to the 'beloved' Villa chairman who passed away at the age of 132 today in his Villa office.

Doug, famous for building an empire at Villa in the conference league will be sadly missed by, well...........erm, his family.

Dave Woodhall, editor of H&V said 'Doug should have left 60 years ago'.

Jonathan Fear of Villa Fans Un-Combined retorted 'Dave doesn't speak for me. I think Doug should have left 60 years ago'.

The Comer brothers are still apparently in the process of due diligence and are favourites to finally gain control of the club. Life long Villa fan Michael Neville, who it transpires wasn't born in Solihull at all, said 'we are close, we are very confident that a deal will be brokered within the next decade'. Adding 'we obviously had hoped that the deal would be completed back in 2006 but there were hitches along the way, but we are now very confident. We also understand that planning permission might be forthcoming for the land bank the club has acquired after the previous 359 applications failed on the grounds that no one wants to build in Aston.'

Villa's 96th manager under Doug Ellis, Steve Stride Jnr said 'He really was good at tennis. Now we've got to hope that the new buyers will be able to help restore Villa to its former glories. It is just a shame that Tesco now stands where Villa Park once was, although 'The Doug Ellis Is Great Really Stadium' just outside of Tamworth is more than enough to seat the 1000 fans we have left.'

Villa chef, Jonathan Fear, who operates the burger bar at the 'D.E.I.G.R Stadium', said: 'I note with interest that Doug's main fault was in choosing managers. We all thought it was a joke - then pauses and says, sorry, I can't say 'we' I meant 'I' thought it was a joke when David O'Leary first arrived, little did I realise after he took us to the Cola League 2 that he'd be replaced by Jasper Carrot, now that really was a joke. Obviously after his unfunny spell as manager we resorted to the manager rotation system where players and fans alike took it in turns to work under Ellis. Then things really took a turn for the worse when Doug decided to do the job himself. His attempts to teach the players how to do a bicycle kick ended up with 3 players in plaster cast having taking the exercise literally and kicked in 50 year old midfielder Lee Hendrie's moped. The saddest chapter has to be when the managers position was chosen by the ITV show Manager Idol, no one wanted to take part so Sharon Osbourne and Simon Cowell had a go'.

Adding:

'Still, it could have been worse, we could have supported the now defunct Birmingham City'.

Jack Petchey was unavailable for comment as he has been cryogenically frozen as he waited to turn a profit on the shares in Villa that he bought in 2003. His pr said that he was to be de-frosted to be told the news.




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!


Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: J P Fear Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday April 13 2006

Time: 5:06PM

Your Comments

Or in other words, it is a slow news day and I'm bored.
The Fear
Or in other words, it is a slow news day and I'm bored.
The Fear
The Derby pressure has already taken its toll on JF and it is only Thursday !
fatloser
The Derby pressure has already taken its toll on JF and it is only Thursday !
fatloser
It must be quite interesting for you to all see a grown man going through a nervous breakdown though, you usually have to pay for this sort of entertainment!! ;-))
The Fear
It must be quite interesting for you to all see a grown man going through a nervous breakdown though, you usually have to pay for this sort of entertainment!! ;-))
The Fear
The very thought that Herbert Douglas might still be around as next season kicks off, is worrying enough, without contemplating, even in jest, that he be round for any longer. Amusing article though. Cheered me up no end after another somewhat monotonous day earning an honest quid or two.
glensider
The very thought that Herbert Douglas might still be around as next season kicks off, is worrying enough, without contemplating, even in jest, that he be round for any longer. Amusing article though. Cheered me up no end after another somewhat monotonous day earning an honest quid or two.
glensider
Just got a nasty feeling he'll go on forever like Mr Burns of The Simpsons fame!?
The Fear
Just got a nasty feeling he'll go on forever like Mr Burns of The Simpsons fame!?
The Fear
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Lambert Thrilled With US Tour (Sunday July 27 2014)

Houston 0-1 Aston Villa (Sunday July 27 2014)

Lambert - We Were Excellent (Thursday July 24 2014)

FC Dallas 0-2 Aston Villa (Thursday July 24 2014)

Gardner To Make 2014-15 His Year (Wednesday July 23 2014)

Roncrete's Sett(led) At Villa (Wednesday July 23 2014)

Vlaar Bar (Wednesday July 23 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. The Fear 878
2. ClivetheVillan 591
3. Pride of Lions 460
4. kefkat 336
5. sirdennis 216
6. HeathfieldRoad1874 214
7. Green Tea 192
8. Juan Mourep 190
9. Clubpaver 185
10. Villan Of The North 173

League Results (view all)

Latest Results

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
1. Arsenal 0 0 0 0 +0 0
2. Aston Villa 0 0 0 0 +0 0
3. Burnley 0 0 0 0 +0 0
4. Chelsea 0 0 0 0 +0 0
5. Crystal Palace 0 0 0 0 +0 0
6. Everton 0 0 0 0 +0 0
7. Hull City 0 0 0 0 +0 0

Breaking League News

Remy Back OnThe Agenda?
Newcastle : 28/07/2014 00:39:00
The Pre-Season Ped Report City 5-1 AC Milan
Man City : 27/07/2014 23:26:00
Whatever you do; do quickly
Chelsea : 27/07/2014 20:13:00
Sigurdsson Stars In 4-0 Win At Plymouth
Swansea : 27/07/2014 19:27:00
Liverpool: Remy Deal Cancelled
Liverpool : 27/07/2014 17:51:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Darren Bent?
Suggested By:  JP Fear
Still needs to be sold 12%
Should be a starter 30%
Good for squad/off bench 57%
No idea! 1%