UK time is: 03:02:04
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

AVFC Have Sacked All Their Fans

Aston Villa Football Club today announced that they have sacked all their fans.

The Villa support, who joined the club in 1874, were dismissed by owner Doug Ellis after a series of poor results. A statement issued on behalf of Mr Ellis, who from the end of the season will be known as Club President, said: 'We have been disappointed with the performance of the fans. Results were not what they should have been.

'The way in which some events were discussed by the paying support was disappointing to us. It has been made clear that the only statement that is appropriate for the supporters to make is the mindless chanting of the words: 'I believe'. Genuflection to the club President is also appropriate. The clubs stadium will therefore be known as Ellis Park with immediate effect'

Mr Ellis, who from the end of next season will be known as Tsar of All The Russia's and Empress Of India, added: 'I'd like to thank the Villa support for all its hard work. It gave 100%, but ultimately it did not work out. Doug Ellis and the club's management felt that something had to be done quickly. We owed it to our own ridiculous delusions.'

He then outlined ambitious plans for the club to win the Champion's League, lift the World Cup and put a man on Mars by 2007 - probably Mark Cooper.

In the interim, the support will be replaced by 'caretaker fans' - cloned members of the Ellis family who have been trained to burl scarves and ask no questions.

A spokesman for the Villa Supports Support Group, Mr Jonathan Fear, said: 'I believe.'

Disgruntled Villa fans gathering outside Ellis Park were offered an attractive array of one, two and three-bedroom luxury apartments from 100,000.

By Mark Cooper

Taken from an idea by STEWART KIRKPATRICK at scotsman dot com Click Here




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!


Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: J P Fear Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday March 30 2006

Time: 4:43PM

Your Comments

To be honest I'm releaved. I was thinking about quitting but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
ooahPaulMcGrath
To be honest I'm releaved. I was thinking about quitting but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
ooahPaulMcGrath
It does ease the pressure on us all doesn't it?! lol.
The Fear
It does ease the pressure on us all doesn't it?! lol.
The Fear
Makes you think, we're probably all bit part players in a Doug Ellis dream.
glensider
Makes you think, we're probably all bit part players in a Doug Ellis dream.
glensider
I'm gonna go and get myself a job at the Blues.... NOT!!! Thats like being sacked as a Doctor and becoming a trolley pusher!
deanovilla
I'm gonna go and get myself a job at the Blues.... NOT!!! Thats like being sacked as a Doctor and becoming a trolley pusher!
deanovilla
Steady on deano, things aren't that bad yet!
The Fear
Steady on deano, things aren't that bad yet!
The Fear
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Delph Out Until The New Year (Saturday October 25 2014)

Lambert Looking For QPR Response (Friday October 24 2014)

QPR Injury Update (Friday October 24 2014)

The Villa Times - 24/10/2014 (Friday October 24 2014)

Lambert - Time To Change Our Focus (Thursday October 23 2014)

Vlaar Wants A Return To Winning Ways (Thursday October 23 2014)

Drennan Returns - So Time For A Round Up (Wednesday October 22 2014)

Okore Not Ready For Premiership Action (Tuesday October 21 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Pride of Lions 748
2. The Fear 712
3. ClivetheVillan 587
4. thefacehead 482
5. HeathfieldRoad1874 240
6. sirdennis 233
7. kefkat 222
8. Villan Of The North 162
9. Clubpaver 144
10. DeanoVilla 142

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
10. Spurs 8 3 2 3 -1 11
11. Stoke 9 3 2 4 -2 11
12. WBA 9 2 4 3 -1 10
13. Aston Villa 8 3 1 4 -8 10
14. Everton 8 2 3 3 0 9
15. Leicester City 8 2 3 3 -2 9
16. Crystal Palace 9 2 3 4 -3 9

Breaking League News

Three Points And No Mistake!
Arsenal : 26/10/2014 00:35:00
Swansea : 25/10/2014 23:45:00
Monk: We'll Work On Our Decision Making
Swansea : 25/10/2014 22:43:00
Report - Swansea City 2-0 Leicester City
Swansea : 25/10/2014 22:15:00
Much More To Come
Man Utd : 25/10/2014 22:00:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Villa v QPR (away) will:
Suggested By:  Mystic Mug
Win - whoop! 43%
Lose - we go again! 42%
Draw - meh! 15%